


Chaos Theory

by billspilledquill



Series: Chaos [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Codependency, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kakashi’s accidental troublesome children acquisition, M/M, Sasuke having lots and lots of emotions, and Naruto not knowing how to deal with his, no ninjas with the power of god, only traumatized children here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25129873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billspilledquill/pseuds/billspilledquill
Summary: “At that time, I should have called up to him. I thought it over and over.”In which before everything else in Sasuke’s life, before the massacre, the Academy, his brother, the changes in Konoha and in himself, there was Uzumaki Naruto.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Chaos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865221
Comments: 116
Kudos: 143





	1. うちはサスケ

うちはサスケ

_Uchiha Sasuke_

[ **Chaos** : When the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future. ( _Chaos in an Atmosphere Hanging on a Wall_ )]

  
*

His legs dragged themselves to the cave. Naruto was in his usual corner, the side where light came through. The pot beside Naruto boiled, bubbles toiling under the full moon. Naruto dropped his ramen cup when Sasuke collapsed, grasping the front of his shirt, panting and twisting. Distantly, Sasuke heard screaming; the crackle of bones.

He reached blindly, his hands grasping Naruto’s arms tightly, terror on his face. He didn’t know what he was seeing. He felt blind, and Naruto was staring right back wide-eyed; he was frowning.

Naruto was muttering wildly, shaking his shoulders. Dimly, Sasuke saw Naruto’s mouth open, but can’t understand the words. He felt a slight touch on his face; Sasuke recoiled, gasping. He realized the screams were his own.

Naruto held on, his nibble fingers clenching around his shoulders. Sasuke reeled, fell back with his throat caught in a bout of vomit. The water boiled beside them; a scream. The air blistered and Naruto scouted closer and wound his arms around him.

Sasuke purged. Naruto yelped, but held on. They stayed like that, and Sasuke kept screaming until water had finished boiling.  
  


*

Sasuke woke up. His clothes were drenched in sweat and vomit; he couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak. Naruto had fallen asleep on his shoulders, his arms draping around his waist. The sun had risen; Sasuke felt the heat hit his back, and the soft glow of Naruto’s wayward hair on his clothes. 

He closed his eyes.

*

Nii-san had told him his name meant something. Aside from the Uchiha and his family emblem, his given name was a symbol of hope. He had told him the legend of Sarutobi Sasuke, and his arch-rival, Kirigakure Saizō. Friends that fought for the remainder of their lives, chasing after each other with the sole intent of pursuit. They never managed to kill each other. Nii-san said they simply didn’t want to.

“Hope,” Sasuke had whispered, contemplating. He was cleaning his Shuriken, thinking gingerly what nii-san would think when he will ace his target test tomorrow at the Academy.

“Hope,” Nii-san had said, his hand trilling when he combed Sasuke’s hair. “He is a legendary shinobi, as you will be one day, Sasuke. To live is the best hope there is.”

“Maybe next time,” Nii-san had answered when Sasuke demanded an explanation. He smiled; the curves of his lips familiar enough for Sasuke to return the gesture. “Maybe you will understand it soon enough. All by yourself, Sasuke. Can you do that for me?”

Sasuke was willing to do anything for his brother, but he wasn’t allowed to say it; it might scare him away, Sasuke thought, so he nodded.

When he had settled on his bed that night, peering an eye to the room, nii-san was already gone. To train, Sasuke mused, and sneaked out that night from his bed to wander to the cave again.

The Academy was dull, if not for the occasional smiles nii-san gave him when he came up top of his year. There was a growing sense of guilt every time kaa-san asked him about his friend in the Academy. Sasuke didn’t have friends in school. His best friend lived in a cave, and was a self-proclaimed demon.

“Do you think we would have become friends?” Naruto asked him one night when Sasuke skipped his meal to see him. In the cave it was pitch dark; only their voices had reached each other. “If I haven’t called out to you that day… do you think we would have still become friends?”

“You’re stupid for asking,” Sasuke said, his eyes trailing after the stars. “If you didn’t come to me, I would have spoken to you. I would have sought you out. We would be friends even if you are blind and lack all the bones in your body. I would have found you anywhere.”

“I would have found you first, you bastard,” Naruto retorted. Sasuke went to the Academy in the morning, laying his head on his elbow, looking out at the window. He entertained the idea of Naruto sitting with him, and snickered quietly. 

A screech had startled him when he returned home. He ran to the Uchiha compound, searching for the source. Cries were everywhere. Splatters flew from the sky; it was raining, maybe. Sasuke stumbled outside. He was looking for his parents. They were missing. Nii-san was there, he was there with his back to him.

“Niisan!”

And niisan heard him. When he turned and looked at him, his eyes were—

*

Sasuke blinked his eyes open to find Naruto cleaning him up with a piece of rag clothes ripped off from what he brought Naruto in his last visit.

“Let’s go to the lake,” Naruto said, still cleaning furiously. Sasuke felt his skin raw and his insides turning. “I also need a shower.”

The lake was the reason Naruto lived in this cave. Konohagakure did not lack hidden places for haggard and orphaned children, but water sources were regulated and hardly ever left alone. The Lake of Hidden Monsters, Sasuke had heard children at the Academy say, was an exception. No one dared to venture here alone, short of a rumor about a monster roaming in there.

“It helps me. I will know it’s you when you come here,” Naruto had explained.

The lake was warm, sizzling under the sun. They stripped their clothes and got in without a word. Sasuke found it hard to keep his eyes open. He couldn’t speak, and Naruto didn’t press. They stayed like this until Sasuke felt his limbs relax in the water, and dipped his head in.

Sasuke opened his eyes and saw Naruto staring back. Under the lake, they retained their breathing and stared. When they emerged, Naruto was grinning.

“Feel better?” he asked. Sasuke shook his head.

Naruto’s hand on his shoulder tightened. “Stay a little,” he said.

“Are you going to ask me what happened?”

Naruto scrambled to get on land. He tossed him a towel. “That depends,” he said. “Do you want me to know?”

“Itachi,” Sasuke began and staggered. He retched before reaching the ground. Naruto helped him clean up. “Sorry,” he said, feeling his head twist and his nerves tingling. “Sorry,” he repeated, louder, shame burning through the word. _Weak_ , his mind supplied, _foolish_.

“Your brother,” Naruto said quietly. “Something bad happened to him?”

“Something bad happened _because_ of him,” was all that he managed to get out. They gathered their clothes and began to walk back. Naruto gestured him to stop when they heard rustling of sounds. Peering from the heavy branches, Sasuke saw the crowds of people gathering. One woman was speaking excitedly to the children, who looked reasonably afraid at her mad antics.

“Chūnin Exams,” Sasuke said. “Is it?”

Naruto was disgruntled. “It’s always trouble to hide from them,” he whispered to Sasuke. “Usually people never come here for anything.”

“Trouble,” Sasuke agreed. Naruto pointed the opposite side, and Sasuke stepped in to follow before getting pulled over by the collar. They were found. _Run_ , he voiced at Naruto soundlessly, but Naruto stayed, his teeth baring out. _Run, damnit!_ Sasuke’s arms flailed. Naruto lowered himself under the bushes, two bright eyes following the hands that trapped Sasuke with a susceptible growl.

“Uchiha Sasuke!”

It was the woman from earlier. Children, most of them older than him, were staring at him, trashing to free himself, with a snicker.

Sasuke twisted to glare at her. “Let me go!”

The woman laughed. “Nope. Uchiha, are you?” she smirked. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be mourning? I have heard about you… your cursed clan. It will be little hard on the funerals, don’t you think?”

Sasuke closed his eyes. He stayed very still, one of his arm trapped in her death grip. He bit her arm, piercing the skin. He hoped it bled.

The woman sneered and let go with a hiss. “I am bringing you back to the Hokage— you are not supposed to be here. The Forest of Death,” she jabbed a thumb at the gated section, labeled _44 th Training Ground: Danger_, “is not a pleasing place for children that can only bite to defend themselves. There are monsters in there,” she whispered conspiratorially with a grin. “Now, go home, Uchiha, or I will go talk to the Hokage about your vagabond behaviour in these last two months.”

“So you have been spying on me,” accused Sasuke, his voice growing more petulant and frantic by the second. “The _Hokage’s_ been spying on me! Did he know about yesterday? Did he know about Itachi? What has happened? Tell me!” his voice crackled, burning to the edge of tears, “tell me…”

The woman frowned with something akin to sympathy. She turned to another Jounin. The latter, looking at Sasuke with a curious eye, nodded and brought the contestants of the Chūnin Exams away from the conversation. Some children protested, but all of them complied when her glare was thrown their way. She stayed silent for awhile, seemingly to register the situation. Suddenly, her eyes turned sharp and set ablaze. She snacked a kunai from her pouch with a smirk on her face. Sasuke wished Naruto wouldn’t come out.

Naruto did.

“This chakra…” the woman said in awe, lowering her kunai for a brief, unguarded moment. “I knew it. You are—”

“Don’t move!” Sasuke said quickly, stepping in front of him as Naruto bared his claws to strike. “Don’t, Naruto. Stay back.”

Naruto did.

The woman’s smile grew. “Oh my… what a little surprise we have here,” she said. “So this is where you have been hurried off to, are you, little Uchiha? Making little friends in the forbidden areas of the village. Tut, tut. It will get you into trouble. God knows the Uchiha are prone to attract trouble everywhere they go.”

Sasuke gritted his teeth. “It’s none of your business,” he said. “Let us go and you won’t be hurt.”

She gasped dramatically by putting a hand on her breast and pretended to faint. “What a serious threat,” she cooed. “What do you think Sandaime will say when he will know that you have befriended him, of all people? We were guarding him from any exterior influences; wouldn’t he be pleased to hear that the last of the cursed clan allied with Konoha’s greatest weapon?”

Sasuke shuddered. “You _knew_ ,” he said. “You know where Naruto lives! Why didn’t you bring him back to the Hokage?”

She shook her head, but the smile remained. That woman was taking a perverse pleasure in the explanation. Sasuke couldn’t see Naruto’s expression behind him, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. “We couldn’t risk damage to the Jinchūriki,” she said. “It was convenient when he ran away; he could be better monitored. It was better that he lived away from the public. People would think of him a murderer, and of course, there was the possibility that he would make friends. That,” and she looked at him, “is dangerous for a weapon to have.”

“ _Naruto_ is right here,” Sasuke said, furiously wiping away tears. _Weak_ , nii-san said, _foolish_. “Don’t talk like he isn’t!”

Naruto took his hand. He stepped forward.

“No,” Sasuke said. “Run— Naruto—”

“She knows where I live,” Naruto said, now fully ahead of him, his short body blocking him from any attacks. “Apparently the Sandaime knows as well. I will not run.”

“Uzumaki Naruto,” the woman proclaimed. When she smiled, her teeth stood out threateningly. “I am Mitarashi Anko. Pleasure. You look like a pretty normal child,” she said. “What’s with those whiskers?”

Sasuke saw red. “Don’t ask him about—“

Naruto struck.

The fight was animalistic. Both seemed to enjoy battle at its barest essential: fists and blood. Mitarashi Anko defected Naruto’s blows with a kunai at first, but she quickly abandoned it when his skin emerged wound-less a flash-second later. She grinned, and sent him flying in the bushes by slamming her fist in his face.

Naruto’s chakra was seeping. _Broken_ , Naruto once said to him. _Sometimes I am broken. When I am, you need to run away._ Sasuke closed his eyes.

_Weak_ , nii-san said. _Weak, weak, weak._

_Foolish_ , he said. His eyes were—

_Are you going to run away again?_

Nii-san’s eyes were as red as his were when he opened them.

“Emotional instability is not good for volatile types like you, Uzumaki Naruto,” she said, her stance morphing into that of defence. “I don’t want to hurt you. Now, stay down while we wait for the Hokage. He is coming to get you; he sees everything. We cannot have you and the Uchiha boy sneaked off like this again. You might just slip from our fingers.”

Naruto was growling, his breathing ragged and uneven. His head on the ground, his fingers growing into sharper claws.

“ _No_ ,” Sasuke said, and Naruto morphed back to his human features instantly, twisting painfully on the ground, grasping the front of his shirt.

Anko swirled to stare at him. “Oh my,” she said with a smile. “So much surprises for one day… I might just swoon.”

Sasuke had activated his Sharingan.


	2. うずまきナルト

うずまきナルト

_Uzumaki Naruto_

*

  
The cave had the same mess in the same place. Naruto grumbled something when he picked up the cup ramen from yesterday, now empty and half bitten by some wild animal.

“Sorry,” Sasuke said. Naruto laughed.

“You sure are different today,” Naruto said, swiping the mess to sit down and motioned over to Sasuke, who did the same. “Don’t ever apologize to me again; it’s weird.”

“He allowed to us to live together,” Sasuke said hopefully. “We will be together. You don’t need to worry anymore. I will—“ he tried to puff his chest out, tried to look proud and not afraid, “I will do it. I will protect you.”

Naruto shook his head, and stuffed his scattered things in a bag. Sasuke had been the one bringing him food and clothes. He didn’t know what his life was like before that. “You need to be careful around me, Sasuke,” he said without looking up. “The thing you did before… that was good. You kept _it_ under control. But you should be careful. You need to protect yourself.”

“I have my Sharingan,” Sasuke said, still shaken from today’s events. “I can stop you. I can stop you from whatever it is. I can stop you from being broken.”

Naruto picked up the jacket he got from Sasuke, the blue fabrics held tightly into a fist. Naruto stared at it. “Just be careful,” Naruto said.

Naruto lifted the bag and swoon it behind his bony shoulders. “Let’s go,” he said, and for the first time his eyes brightened. “You have told me so much about your home. You told me all about those mattresses— the thing where you sit and it’s soft— the bids—”

“Beds,” Sasuke corrected. “You will like them, I swear.”  
  


*

The Hokage had came in with a severe frown on his face. His eyes were fixed on Naruto’s limp form on the grass. Sasuke scrambled over to hide him from view.

“Don’t,” Sasuke gasped, his Sharingan fading as he blinked. Disappointment coiled deep in his guts, twisting. “Don’t,” he said. “Or I will— I will—"

“Anko,” the Hokage said. “Leave to your duties. The second task is starting.”

Anko retreated. She pulled her tongue at him when she stalked away. Sasuke heard the Hokage sigh.

“Forgive her,” he said to Sasuke. “She is quite insufferable at times, but she means well.”

Sasuke didn’t hear him; his mind was buzzing. “What will you do to him?”

“No need to be afraid,” Sandaime said in a soothing voice. His hand gentle on Naruto’s brows. “Your attachment to Naruto will be his saving. Who knows, maybe it will be mine as well; to tame a little all the misgivings I have bestowed on the child.”

Sasuke stood on his feet. He was trembling all over. “You don’t know him,” he cried. “You don’t know _me_! What has happened yesterday—”

“— is partly my fault,” the Sandaime said, his wrinkled face shadowed by his hat. “I am very sorry for your loss, Sasuke.”

Sasuke felt hope shimmering under. He swallowed the hatred, the shame, and spoke, “do you know--?”

“I am sorry,” the Hokage said.

“That man---” Sasuke trailed off. “Itachi— do you know—”

“I am sorry,” the Sandaime repeated, firmly this time; the subject was closed. He took Naruto in his arms. “You and Naruto cannot meet under these circumstances. He is unstable; he might lash out. We’ll have to monitor him.”

Sasuke’s cheeks tickled with sweat. He sprung to grab Naruto’s hand. “You can’t,” he said quickly. “You can’t take him away.”

There was pity in those eyes now. Sasuke hated it. “It’s for your own safety as well, Sasuke.”

“No,” Sasuke said, shaking his head frantically. “No! He needs me, he needs me— he won’t survive without me.”

It was a lie. Sasuke had only known Naruto for so much time. Sasuke had the very distinct impression that he was falling. Doom and gloom were ahead, and he was the one that couldn’t survive without someone to catch him. He can teach Naruto control; if they could catch each other, Sasuke wouldn’t care in the slightest about falling. 

The Hokage seemed intrigued. “What about it?”

“I gave him food,” Sasuke answered truthfully. “He was living off from hunting. When he called out for me— he only had rags as clothes. I helped him. I can help him. He _needs_ me.”

“We will give him a home,” the Hokage said. “He will be provided with food.”

“No, no,” Sasuke said, desperate now. “He needs me. He can live with me. We have lots of place at home.”

The old man hummed. In his arms, Naruto hadn’t stirred at all; Sasuke held on. “Why did he call out for you, Sasuke? He ran off when he was five. He was not spotted in public areas ever since.”

Sasuke shifted his weight. Under the heavy gaze, he felt seen. “I— I was all alone. He walked up to me.”

“Walked up to you?”

“He hugged me,” Sasuke said, embarrassed now.

“Ah,” the Hokage said, the curves of his lips tilting up. “I see.”

It was the first time he had seen someone else’s tears. Images flashed on and off in his mind, the night, and that man’s eyes. He banished the thought and squeezed Naruto’s hand tighter, unwilling to let go.

“He can live with me,” Sasuke said. “I can help him. You can check on him anytime you want, but he is staying with me.”

The Hokage was silent. When he spoke, his voice was lighter, almost amused. “Do you know that we are related in our names, Sasuke?”

“What?”

“Sarutobi Sasuke,” stated the man. “A legendary shinobi. He had skills and power, but he is most known for befriending his rival,” he said. “In a story, it is always sympathy and kindness that capture us, not ruthlessness. The older generation has forgotten about the lessons of the past, and youth is lost without them.” The Hokage looked at their intertwined hands, and laughed. “You have potential, Sasuke, and maybe the decision I make today would be worth it.”

Sasuke jumped. The Sandaime extended a hand towards him. Sasuke realised that it was a handshake.

“From Sarutobi Hiruzen to Uchiha Sasuke,” the man said, “I entrust you. Naruto will live with you in the Uchiha compound. I will send a Jounin to check on him. You and Naruto must work together. Your Sharingan…”

“I haven’t master it,” Sasuke said, ashamed, feeling the trill of Naruto’s fingers in his.

“No matter,” the Hokage said. “The Jounin will help you take care of it.”

“Sharingan is our clan’s secret,” Sasuke said petulantly.

The Hokage smiled. “You will see,” he said. His eyes were twinkling.

“Who—”

“Sir,” a voice croaked out. Naruto had woken up.

“Naruto,” the man greeted. He let him to get on his feet. “I trust that you have heard our conversation. Do you have any questions?”

Naruto’s eyes searched Sasuke’s. When he nodded, Naruto tilted his face upwards. “No, sir,” he said. “None at all.”

The man frowned, clearly disapproving the arrogance. “A trust between us is crucial, Naruto. You must understand what happened four years ago wasn’t---”

“I don’t mind it,” Naruto interrupted, his face contorting painfully, “I didn’t.” He hadn’t let go of Sasuke’s hand, and he was trembling under. “Iruka-sensei did what he had to do. I did mine.”

“Running away is not an answer, Naruto.”

“Surviving,” Naruto said, walking ahead. He hauled Sasuke with him, “surviving is always the answer.”

Sasuke’s throat felt tight. He held on to Naruto’s hand. Sasuke was falling. The only comfort was that Naruto was falling faster.

“We will just grab my stuff,” Naruto said when the Hokage tried to follow. “You know where I live anyway. I am not a liar. I will come back and find you, and I will do whatever you want if you will just leave me alone,” he added, “sir.”

“You will attend the Academy, Naruto,” the man said. “That’s part of the deal. It’s what Iruka would have wanted for you, too.” Naruto was pulling Sasuke away; he didn’t look back. Sasuke did, and had the impression that the Hokage looked the oldest he had ever been.

*

“I know,” Naruto said when Sasuke screamed awake. “I know.”

Sasuke can’t see. The blood in his hands felt real. For a moment, he thought he was the one that killed them.

“I know,” Naruto said.

“You haven’t lost anyone,” Sasuke said.

Naruto was blurry in Sasuke’s vision. Only the warmth felt real in his hands, and only blood felt warm in his dreams.

“Do you want me to go?” Naruto said.

Sasuke reached blindly, and closed his eyes. Sasuke didn’t want to see the night; the moon could be full, could be bright. It could be raining and it could blood, too. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Naruto asked. 

“You cried when we first met,” Sasuke said.

“Yes,” Naruto answered after a time. “I did.”

“Why did you?”

Sasuke remembered the wet patch on his shoulder. When Naruto had his head buried in his shoulder, he cried too. He can’t tell him that, but he supposed he knew anyway.

“You looked at me,” Naruto said. “I recognized your eyes. I couldn’t leave you alone.”

Sasuke grasped his hand. Naruto took it. It was becoming a habit; to search for someone to catch him when he would eventually, undoubtfully, fall. It would be Naruto, he decided. It should be him.

“Then don’t ask me if you can leave now,” Sasuke said. “You can’t. You are not allowed to.”

Naruto laughed. Sasuke held on, and drifted to sleep.

*

The house was empty when he woke up. Naruto had slept on the floor, judging by the mess. Sasuke walked over to the lanes; the corpses had disappeared, but the stench stayed. Naruto was humming to himself near a window, waiting for his water to boil.

“I haven’t had ramen for a while,” Naruto said excitedly. “Don’t get me wrong, the bed is nice and all, but ramen cup is the best.”

“Where did you find it?”

Naruto snickered, and made a show of sniffing around. He gestured him the box beside him. “It’s got my name written all over,” he said. “I suppose it’s for me.”

“That’s your provision for next week, bastard.” Sasuke huffed, and sat down next to him. “You can sleep anywhere you like,” Sasuke said. “We— I have a lot of empty beds you can choose from.”

“I think your floor is pretty cool,” Naruto said, watching the water boil. “It doesn’t hurt my back. I can stay there.”

“You don’t need to do this for me.”

Naruto poured water in his cup. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said.

“I can move a bed in my room,” he said. Naruto’s head turned sharply; his eyes gleaming.

“You can have some ramen too,” Naruto said, nodding solemnly, as if he was granting him a favour. “It will give you strength to move the bed. You always look so skinny.”

“Be careful, I can still break you in half,” Sasuke retorted mildly, “and I bought those ramen, stupid.” Sasuke teared up the packaging. “At least put some vegetables,” he said.

Naruto dipped his hand in the box and tossed him a tomato. Sasuke touched his face as the fruit hit; half of it was covered in tomato juice.

“Uzumaki Naruto,” he deadpanned. “You’re on.”

Naruto laid his head on the tatami and laughed until he couldn’t breathe.

*

It took them a full afternoon to move the bed in.

“Your room is so far,” whined Naruto. “Whose bed is it, anyway?”

Sasuke shrugged. “One of my cousins,” he said.

Naruto rolled in his cousin’s bed for ten full minutes before Sasuke snapped at him to stop.

“I don’t want to go to the Academy,” Naruto said quietly, his hands on his stomach. “Shut up,” Naruto said, softer this time. He was conversing with _it._ Sasuke leaned away from the conversation, and tried not to listen.

Their beds were close enough for Sasuke to fall asleep that night. It was hot, and perspiration gathered on his forehead every time he wiped it away. He whined without knowing, and the images began anew.

“I’ve got it,” a voice said, and tended him. When Sasuke blinked, the stalls were lifted. It was already morning. Naruto wasn’t there. Sasuke sensed the spike of chakra, a dread pit of danger had taken hold of him. What if—

 _Foolish_. _Weak, that’s what you are, otouto._

Sasuke rushed to the source.

Naruto was standing in front of him, his hands balled into fists. Before him was a tall man glancing at a book. His face covered in a mask; his stance was lazy and unguarded. Sasuke noticed the Jounin jacket and stayed on the defensive.

“Who are you?” he asked. Naruto was still seething.

The man didn’t stir. With his book still opened, his one eye met Sasuke. He nodded, and seemed to reach to a conclusion.

“Maa, calm down,” the man said. “I don’t like you guys either.”


	3. はたけカカシ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi isn’t good with kids.

はたけカカシ

_Hatake Kakashi_

*

Naruto attacked.

He attacked front, leaving himself entirely exposed. Unlike the light skirmish with Anko yesterday, Naruto forwarded his body to the Jounin with a wild abandon. Naruto didn’t seem to have any training, as far as Sasuke was aware of.

 _I won’t do what_ you _tell me to_ , Naruto had muttered briskly yesterday, his two hands flat on his stomach. _I will fight my own way— you better believe it!_

And when Naruto fought, he fought like a beast.

The Jounin didn’t move when Naruto lunged at him. He can imagine it before hearing it, the deep, terrible scowl whenever he lashed himself against an enemy. Sasuke had seen him hunt; it was about survival. But this, Sasuke thought, his head hurting with the intensity of memory. This display of power and aggressivity, almost overwrought in its desire to assert dominance—

This was another thing all together. 

Sasuke had gotten his pouch of weapons out, his teeth biting down a kunai, two shuriken on each hand.

“Ma,” the Jounin said, “I am here to help you guys train. Fighting me was not in the agenda, but I guess it can’t be helped.”

Sasuke swirled. The Jounin was behind him. Crouched and a faint flush on his cheeks, the man was still reading.

Naruto stared at where the Jounin was just a second ago. His eyes flashed red, then blue again.

Sasuke made a grab for Naruto’s arm.

“Naruto,” Sasuke said. “Naruto, stop. He is not here to hurt us.”

“Shut up!” Naruto cried, his hands coming to his hair. He looked ready to tear it off. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

The Jounin stood between them. His expression changed; he had tucked the book in his pocket.

Naruto kept screaming.

“Naruto—"

“He is not talking to you,” the man said, and lifted his headband. A line of embedded scar travelled on his closed eye, disappearing under the mask.

“You let him lost control,” the Jounin said, making a series of hand signs. Sasuke stood still at the man’s exposed Sharingan, mind reeling.

The cries subsided. Naruto was panting, bending on the woodened floor. His eyes weren’t red, but stayed wild.

“Lesson number one,” the man said, letting his headband cover the sign of Uchiha pride— _his_ eye— _an Uchiha’s_ eye, “unpreparedness is your worst enemy.”

*

“The Sharingan is a powerful tool to control the Kyuubi,” the man said. “You must learn how to control it. I will come once a week to train with you and Naruto. If he would come out of his shell, that is. I can very well just teach you. It’s much less trouble.” Naruto had refused to come to the training, retreating to sulk in their room. Sasuke went with the man reluctantly, determined to uncover the secret of his Sharingan.

The Uchiha’s training grounds were vast and plain; he knew every corners and every passages, but Sasuke had no pretence that he can run away from the man, and the knowledge pained him.

“It doesn’t explain why you have the Sharingan in first place,” he said.

The man shrugged. “Introduce yourself to me,” he said.

Sasuke made a face, the secret regarding the man’s Sharingan still burnt in the back of his mind. “Why should I? You know my name already.”

“Dreams, likes, dislikes, that sort of thing.”

“I have nothing to tell you,” he said.

The man hummed. “Your turn,” he prompted.

Sasuke didn’t want to indulge in an old man’s game; he also didn’t have any choice. “Fine,” he snapped. “What’s your name, then?”

“Hatake Kakashi,” the man said.

Irritation surged, untamed. “Am I supposed to be impressed with this piece of information?”

Kakashi’s eye curved; the pretence of a smile. “You should be,” he said.

“Why do you have our Kekkei Genkai? You are not an Uchiha.”

“My friend was,” he said.

“You killed your friend?”

“You can say that,” Kakashi said tonelessly.

“And why the Hokage allowed you to be our teacher if you are willing to kill your friend for power?”

Kakashi didn’t budge. “Because you’re weak,” he said. “Because you can’t restraint the Kyuubi on your own. You need help, so I am stuck with the chore because I have the Sharingan and no one else does. No one alive, anyway, except you, and Uchiha Itachi.”

The careless way he carried the words made Sasuke’s skin prickle. The way he uttered _his_ name made him sick. “Explain to me what happened earlier,” he said.

“The Sharingan,” Kakashi said, “is one of the effective ways to control a tailed beast. It is a process of stabilizing the host’s chakra by restraining the beast inside. A tightening of chains if you will, that will empower your control over the beast’s.”

“I did,” Sasuke said, hopeful at once. “I did it when I activated my Sharingan.”

“It must have been done subconsciously, given the fact that today you didn’t succeed,” Kakashi said. “That’s not good enough. You have to learn how to use it properly, in a way that guarantee a safe containment of the Kyuubi in the host.”

“I will learn,” Sasuke said. “You will teach me.”

“That’s unfortunately my job, yes,” Kakashi said in an exaggerated sigh. His hand lingered on the pocket where his book was. “I am also advised by the Hokage to warn you about your emotions, which admittedly is not my strong suit.”

Sasuke toyed with the shuriken in his hand. “Right now? I want to throw you a thousand of these,” he said.

Kakashi found it funny. “As I said, not my strong suit.”

“Just get on with it,” Sasuke grumbled, arranging the shuriken carefully back in his pouch. “I want to start training.”

“Next week,” Kakashi said, “when you and Naruto will attend the Academy, make sure that he doesn’t approach anyone.”

Sasuke’s mouth pulled. “Naruto can do whatever he wants as long as it doesn’t hurt him. I am his friend, not his guardian.”

Kakashi continued without listening. “Anyone else is fine, but starting next week, Imuno Iruka will be your new head instructor. I need you to make sure that Naruto doesn’t approach him.”

“Why change the instructor?”

“Karou resigned. No one who was qualified as head instructor wanted to teach at the Academy beside Iruka, now that the news of Naruto attending the school had been altered to the board.”

“If he doesn’t hurt him, I don’t see why they can’t talk.”

Kakashi was silent. He walked to the center of the field, his figure poised and composed. Stripped of the lazy expression, there was an almost elegance about the man. “I assumed they taught you like they taught me,” Kakashi said, “about rules. Emotions will be a barrier to you from what you want to achieve. It will be a barrier to him, too, if you aren’t careful.”

“That’s none of your business,” Sasuke said, his heart jumping despite it.

“To control the Sharingan is to control yourself,” Kakashi said, still like a picture. “What do you want to achieve, Sasuke? What is your goal?”

“I want to kill you,” Sasuke said.

“Good. A clear-cut mission. Do it,” Kakashi said, uncrossing his arms, baring his chest. “A shinobi doesn’t hesitate. You have to be at least two steps ahead of the enemy. I am standing right here. I won’t move. I won’t retaliate.”

“You want me to believe that you won’t fight back if I try to kill you?”

“If you are capable, yes,” Kakashi said. 

“I will do it,” Sasuke said, angry to be taken so lightly. But he was trembling; he couldn’t move.

Kakashi lifted his head to the sky and stayed on the spot. “I never seem to die,” he said. “I will test my chance.”

Sasuke felt his limbs too heavy to budge even an inch. His body suddenly reminded him that he was exhausted, that his family was dead, that _he_ killed them. He didn’t know why he was there; he didn’t know why he was alive; if he was even allowed to.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi warned.

Sasuke stood motionless.

Kakashi sighed; he took out his book. “I will come by next week at the same time. Convince Naruto to come,” he said. “If not, I will see you then; alone and _prepared_ , Sasuke.”

Kakashi disappeared in a pouf of smoke. Sasuke stood there for a long time, and in a crowd of thoughts surrounding him like a plague, Sasuke thought of nothing.  
  


*

“I don’t like him,” Naruto said.

Sasuke didn’t know what to think of Kakashi at all. He busied himself elsewhere.

“What are you doing?”

“Homework,” Sasuke said.

Naruto was hugging his pillow when he glanced at him curiously. “That sounds boring,” Naruto commented.

“It’s alright,” Sasuke said. “It is about calculating the deflection points among a thicket of bamboos to cause a kunai to bounce at their target.”

Naruto pouted. Sasuke smiled when the inevitable retort of being a show-off came his way.

“Math is not interesting on its own,” Sasuke said. “Science and math is.”

“Oh,” Naruto shook his head, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Don’t you dare. Don’t start this again. Not the butterfly thing.”

“It’s called a chaotic system,” Sasuke said, gingerly putting his pencil down to explain. “You take two situations that are slightly different. They start the same way before completely diverging from each other. One thing changes another, and chaos emerges.”

Naruto made a noise to indicate that he had heard him.

“I have explained this countless times,” Sasuke said.

Naruto laid on his back, his legs wrapping around the pillow. “And every time you do, I don’t understand at all.”

Sasuke tried another way. “Let’s say you didn’t meet me that day, then we wouldn’t be here today, right? It’s the same principle. You take a small thing away, and you get a totally different conclusion.”

Naruto narrowed his eyes, thinking hard. “But I wouldn’t be me if we never met,” he said quizzically.

“Yes,” Sasuke said, eager to get to the point, “then let’s say we meet— but we meet later. At the Academy, for example. We would have been different. We may be ourselves for awhile, but in a chaotic system every movement drags another, and eventually we would have been two different people, and diverge from our present selves.”

Naruto looked scared. He hugged his pillow tightly, his knuckles turning white. “You mean we wouldn’t be friends?”

“No,” Sasuke said, regret now tinging his voice. “No, no, of course we would still be friends.” 

“I never liked chaos,” Naruto said.

“There’s a certain comfort in it,” Sasuke answered, picking up his pencil once more. “Nothing in our choices is absolute. There is always a way out.”

“It’s good that I met you then,” Naruto said, a grin spreading on his face. “Who knows where you’d end up without me.”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said. He had been staring at question four for awhile now. “Who knows.”

When Sasuke woke up from images again and again, startled by voices and sounds only to fall asleep after checking Naruto’s pulse, he knew exactly the answer. Blinking away the mist, Sasuke stared at Naruto’s eyes, bright and alert in the dark, and wondered if he ever slept; if Naruto, like himself, wasn’t capable of it.

“His eyes,” Sasuke said, to Naruto, to himself. The weight of that memory. “His eyes were red. He was crying.”   
  



	4. うちはサクラ

うちはサクラ

_Haruno Sakura_

*

Sakura did not want to go to school today, but Mother asked her not to be late.

“I don’t want to go,” she said to Father.

Father kissed the crown of her hair and said nothing. Sakura bowed down her head on her way to the Academy.

The Academy wasn’t so much a place of learning as it was a place to belong, and Sakura, despite trying for the first few years, did not belong in the slightest.

“Ino,” Sakura said, her hand eagerly on the girl’s shoulder. She lifted her head just enough to scan the room. The girl slapped her hand away. “Ino?”

The blonde-haired girl wasn’t Ino. Displeased, the girl pulled her hair, letting go with a laugh from her crowd.

“What’s up, Forehead? I’m not your stupid little friend. Go away.”

The class was half-empty. Mother did not like her to arrive late; as much as a bother that was, Sakura didn’t feel the need to disobey. She set herself in a corner, and put her head in her elbows. If she were lucky, they would pretend she didn’t exist, and Ino will arrive soon.

A squeal from the girl made her look up. Her heart squeezed a little when Sasuke-kun strolled in, short of a strut. He was, in some way, the boy of her dreams. He was top of their class; she had always been second.

Confusion settled in the crowds of girls that tried to approach him: a small boy sat next to Sasuke-kun, chattering loudly. Red-haired and bright-eyed, the boy had the forlorn expression of a perhaps younger child. Sakura stared; her hands clammy as she fidgeted. She wasn’t usually prone to prejudice, but his hair, unkept, wild, red as the first bloom of sunset, and the strangely deep whiskers on each cheek made her shudder. But it wasn’t that, exactly.

At the back of the boy’s clothes, there stitched the Uchiha emblem in the middle.

“Sasuke,” the boy said in a whine, gesturing in an exaggerated fashion, “why did we have to wake up so early? The class hasn’t started yet!”

“Punctuality is a virtue,” Sasuke-kun said. Sakura had never seen him smile before.

There were rumours of something happening to Sasuke-kun’s family. Something terrible, her parents had muttered, something that Sakura shouldn’t know. _She’s too young_ , Father had said. It made Sakura’s heart throb in sympathy. Seeing his smile doubled her admiration; Sakura wished to smile like that in face of trouble, she wanted to turn a cold eye to her bullies the same way he disregarded girls’ glances in the classroom. She wanted to be top of her class, and in her dreams, Sasuke-kun was there congratulating her.

Before she thought about it, her body had moved on its own.

“Hello,” she said; she had walked up to him. Sasuke-kun was before her, his back turned. She was glancing nervously back and away, waiting.

“I told you not to wear this at school,” Sasuke said. “People will think we’re related.”

The boy beamed. “You mean like brothers?”

“Not with you,” Sasuke-kun snapped back. 

The boy’s face fell in a pitiful sort of way. People had started to gather in. From the corner of her eyes, Sakura spotted Ino. She waved, and the latter returned the gesture enthusiastically.

The girl cupped her hands around her mouth. Sakura knew what was coming.

Sasuke-kun pursued his lips, looking pained. “I didn’t mean it that way—”

The girl yelled Sasuke-kun’s name loud enough for the entire classroom to crumble into dust.

Sasuke-kun had a terrifying stare when he was angry, she thought.

The girl’s face was determined; with her hand outstretched, she said, “go out with me, Sasuke.”

“No,” Sasuke said.

She tsked. “Why?”

“I don’t want to,” Sasuke-kun said. Sakura felt the thudding of her heart spelling out triumph, and she twisted the hem of her dress, a wick of hope began to kindle.

The girl pushed her out of the way.

She snarled. “Why not?”

“You’re annoying.”

“Huh?” the girl’s face twisted. “Do you want to fight?”

Sasuke-kun shrugged vaguely, turning to take out his notebooks. The class was about to start in ten minutes. Ino went to her side, and smiled at her.

“He’s never going to like her,” Ino whispered in her ears. “Did you see how she treats people? How she treats _you_? She’s trash. Sasuke-kun doesn’t like trash.”

“She calls me—”

“What she calls you is not important,” Ino whispered back. “She’s worthless. Don’t bother with her.”

The girl’s yell brought them back to the scene: the boy beside Sasuke-kun had his hand up her throat, seething.

Sasuke-kun finished sorting out his pencils before scoffing. “Don’t kill her,” he said.

The reaction was immediate, palpable. The boy dropped the girl like a dead weight, and retreated back to his seat.

“Who is he?” Ino asked her, but Sakura was too busy to gape at the boy, who, in all intent and purposes, had just lashed out to kill.

The boy had met her gaze steadily. An animal, she thought, with sharp teeth and dark aura around the ridges. Feral, uncouth, and dangerous; she had read about his kind in books and scrolls— legends. They weren’t animals, though sometimes they take their shapes. Red hair was its sign, bloodthirst its destiny. _Witches_ , some stories say. Witches to burn. _Monsters_.

“Demon,” she said.

The boy looked away.

“Say that again,” a voice had risen, cold in its intensity. This wasn’t how she envisioned her first conversation with Sasuke-kun to go.

Sasuke-kun opened his mouth, but voices had drowned whatever he was about to say— broken whispers in the classroom, interrupted then and again by laughter. _Forehead,_ they were gawking. _Forehead is scared! No wonder, she reads too much and always trips during her training…_

Ino was branding her fists at them. She saw the boy shake his head at Sasuke-kun with a hand on his shoulder. He was trying to calm Sasuke-kun down, she realised, but Sasuke-kun was still looking at her, his dark eyes scrutinizing. What should be joyous and celebratory was instead replaced by a churning sense of shame. She had spoken against Sasuke-kun’s friend, who, despite being odd-looking, had done nothing to her. They were many people in this classroom she would have accused of this word, but she hadn’t dared.

Tears prickled her eyes; the exhaustion from the previous days of school had finally caught on, she thought, and wiped them hastily away.

“Alright!” A man cried, slamming his hands flat against the front table. “It’s time for class.”

The students grumbled. Some still looked at the boy; others choose to laugh at her. Most of them returned to their seats; the one beside the boy remained empty.

“Who are you, mister?” Ino asked loudly at her side. “Where is Karou-sensei?”

From afar, Sakura couldn’t see the new instructor’s face. A light scar was in the middle of his dark face, but there was nothing threatening about the man. Iruka-sensei, she later learnt from his introduction, excelled in Ninjustu and loved cats. She leant forward, feeling jittery in her seat. Their new teacher knew a lot of things.

“I want all of you to write down your name and your hobbies on a piece of paper,” Iruka-sensei said. “It will help me to learn your names quicker like that. Oh, and your favourite colour. Wouldn’t miss that detail. A shinobi never misses a detail, not even about their own life.”

Class-time was Sakura’s favourite. She liked to train, of course, but outside there was always people. People were silent in a classroom when the teacher was talking, or scolded when they aren’t. Sakura almost cheered out loud when Iruka-sensei threatened detentions for those that disobeyed rules. Rules, Sakura thought, were the only thing holding the universe together. Slant and simple, rules were meant to be obeyed.

“— Huuyga Neji,” the teacher called. A boy with a serious face raised his hand.

“Here,” Neji said.

Sakura hadn’t learnt the names of all her classmates yet. They were so many. Neji and Lee were, however, vividly burnt in the back of her mind due to a fencing accident between the two of them, one of which caused a great hole in the roof of the classroom. The list of names buzzed on in her head like a fly, then buzzed away just as quickly.

“—Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Here.”

“— Uzumaki.“ Sakura saw Iruka-sensei’s head pivoting towards the boy earlier. She held her breath. “Uzumaki— Naruto.”

The class burst out laughing. From the back, Sakura saw Sasuke-kun had his palm on his face.

The boy—Naruto— raised his hand. “Iruka-sensei,” he said.

Iruka-sensei nodded at him. “Naruto,” he answered just as earnestly. “Welcome back.”

“Fish-cake.” Ino nudged her with her elbow, snickering. “His name is _literally_ fish-cake.”

*

Sakura answered every Iruka-sensei’s questions with perfect accuracy.

“You’re doing very well, Sakura,” Iruka-sensei said after class, gathering the paperwork. The papers students handed in were folded differently, some of them smudged with dark spots and an ugly hand. “Do you have any questions?”

“No, no,” she said quickly, a little flushed. “I was just wondering if… I can come to you after class sometime? Not for class. It’s just— I read a lot of things not covered in school and I was thinking maybe I could come to you to ask questions. I understand if it’s too much trouble,” she added.

Iruka-sensei smiled. “How about we set a schedule, Sakura? You can meet me at my office after class. You can ask me anything you’d like in one hour, and after that, you go home, alright? I would also like you to tell your parents beforehand, or they might get worried where you are, but otherwise you’re allowed to ask anything.”

Sakura felt like this was worth it. Today, yesterday, and all the days that lead to this one. “Thank you,” she said, and Iruka-sensei waved her goodbye. “See you!”

Ino was at the door, her hands crossed. She liked to think this was cool.

“Something good happened?” she asked as they took the long way down the hall. Sakura did not like a repeated incident when they didn’t. “You look very happy.”

“Yes,” she said. Father looked proud of her when she came back home.

“Mother made your favourite dinner”, he said, and ruffled her hair fondly as he went to help her in the kitchens.

*

Sakura did not mind to go to class. Once Iruka-sensei was there, people would leave her alone. Ino braided her hair in breaks, and Sakura was happy.

Sasuke-kun would sometimes look at her, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Sakura felt annoyed after a time; she had left him and his friend alone, what more did he want? Sometimes she would glare back. It gave the impression that Sasuke-kun was, in some way, interested. Rejected, the girl had taken it out at her.

It was another early morning when she tried to pull her hair again. Ino wasn’t here yet, and the girl was quick to action.

Apparently, the Naruto boy was quicker, and, judging by the horror on the girl’s face when she hurried away, scarier.

Sasuke-kun walked to his side. He seemed just as intrigued.

“She likes you,” Naruto said as an explanation.

Sakura flushed. Sasuke-kun gave the boy a flat stare. “So?”

Naruto’s eyes were huge, unblinking. “You like her,” he said.

Sasuke-kun frowned. “What makes you think that?”

“When people like you,” Naruto said, finally blinking. An odd expression surged on his strange face unbidden. “When people like you, you like them back. You protect them.”

Sasuke-kun crossed his arms. “She called you _that_ ,” he said.

“Sorry,” she said, folding her hands. “I didn’t mean it. Thanks for helping me today, Na-Naruto.”

Naruto tilted his head slightly, his mouth slightly agape. He looked at Sasuke-kun, then back at her. His cheeks were pink.

“She said my name,” Naruto said funnily. “Sasuke,” he pointed at her, “did you hear that? She said my name!”

“Idiot,” Sasuke-kun said. Sakura held her laughter for a second more, then couldn’t. Sasuke-kun joined it, soft chuckles overlapping. Naruto went pinker.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Sasuke-kun hit his shoulder half-heartedly; Naruto scowled and hit back. Maybe Sasuke-kun’s parents adopted Naruto, Sakura thought. Maybe they were actually brothers, despite their looks. 

Sakura met with them for lunch after that. Ino eventually joined in. Two by two, they sat down on the grass outside the Academy to talk about schoolwork. Sasuke-kun and Sakura did, at least. Ino and Naruto would listen dutifully, sometimes falling asleep in the process.

“I want to be top of our class,” Sakura said.

“Then do it,” Sasuke-kun said, smirking. “I won’t lose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto with red hair is the dream I am making a reality of. There will be more explanation afterwards, but now please take it as an aesthetic choice, because Naruto with red hair is possibly the coolest thing there is. I will fight for it.


	5. 油断大敵

油断大敵

 _Unpreparedness is One's Greatest Enemy_ ( _Yudan taiteki)_

*

  
There were rumors. Rumors flicker; the brittle signs of a broken light, an incomplete image of truth. Rumors had broken out about his family. Sasuke heard whispers in the halls and saw the incomplete images in the streets. He was alone. Something had happened. What was it? Why only the boy? _Where are his parents?_

They were parents that petted his hair as they passed in the streets. Because he was lucky to survive to hear them was the general consensus. The parents were shielding their children close. He was lucky to survive, they said. He should be grateful.

“Don’t listen to them,” said Naruto in-between a mouthful of food. “You look like you ate a fly.” Half of an egg was slipping from his mouth when Naruto talked, his whiskers stretching as he ate. “Stop staring at them,” Naruto added, munching.

Sasuke played with his food. It was Naruto’s turn to do the dishes anyway. “I wasn’t.”

“You totally were.”

“Well— I couldn’t help it, sometimes. I never knew how you got them,” Sasuke retorted angrily. “You don’t tell me things—and you know all about me. Sometimes it’s like I don’t even know you.”

“You don’t need to know me.”

“You’re my only friend.”

Naruto stopped eating. “And you’re mine,” he said. “That has nothing to with it.”

Naruto settled his chopsticks on the table and wiped his hands on his shirt: Sasuke’s shirt when he was seven. It fitted loosely. Short, malnourished, Naruto gave Sasuke the distinct impression of a stray cat, hissing when it wasn’t fed, purring when it did. Sasuke thought of a tiger, too, and urged Naruto to eat more, not that he needed any encouragement anyway.

“What did they say to you?” asked Naruto. The Uchiha distinct was a staggering void, empty and reeked of corpse. That night when he came back from the cave, the bodies of his family had all disappeared.

“You wouldn’t understand,” said Sasuke,

Naruto was unfazed. “Help me to.”

The kitchens piled with unwashed dishes. Sasuke discovered lice in the cupboard. It occurred to Sasuke that they were children, sometimes, when the house seemed to be crumbling down to the weight of their untidiness. Naruto simply suggested that they create a schedule, and that was what they did.

It reminded him of his family. In the rush of their bickering, meaningless taunts and intelligible friendship, in this house built by the Uchiha and cared by the Uchiha; in the kitchens where Sasuke had dined and chattered with his mom and dad, it was Naruto that reminded him of his family the most. The desire to please; the desire to protect; needing, after and despite everything, to be needed. Sasuke wanted to live like this, had wanted for a time since they met, but his life was too lucky—too _rare_ — to be wasted on happiness. It would seem ungrateful, and he _should_ be grateful. He can only be grateful if he avenge them. He can only be allowed to live if he kill the one responsible for it.

“I don’t remember what they said exactly,” Sasuke said, swallowing the rest of his egg. “I don’t care.”

Naruto frowned. “Sasuke,” he said.

“I really don’t. I don’t care,” he insisted. “I am not hungry. I’ll be in our room if you need me. Let’s hope you don’t.”

*

The bed dipped with a creak. Naruto came in and laid on Sasuke’s side without a word.

“You finished the dishes?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you dry them?”

A pause. “I forgot,” he said.

Sasuke fussed with the linings of his sheet. “So why are you here?”

No answer came. They simply laid there, hearts at their throat, memories in their heads, their arms full of air.

Sasuke must had fallen asleep after this. Because it was a dream, soft as it was, quiet as it was; it wasn’t dreaming that troubled Sasuke; it wasn’t waking up; half-awake, half-dreaming, Sasuke had the impression of slumber, and the terrifying thought that he lived his life as such: weak, foolish, ungrateful.

Sasuke startled with the press of another’s hand on his chest, pushing softly. Laying each by his monster, they looked at each other, and smiled.

“What did tell you? What did they want you to be?”

“Anything,” Sasuke said. “Away. Better.”

“You’re not your brother.”

Sasuke inched away from him. “I never said I am.”

“Your family wanted you to be. You wanted to be.”

“What I want,” he said, “is to kill him.”

“You’re worth more than him a thousand times over,” said Naruto.

Sasuke felt the blood rush to his head. He tried a few times before settling on: “I know that.”

“I will help you,” Naruto said. “Whatever you want to do, I will help you. I will be at your side. It’s what friends do.”

Sasuke brought his shoulders close to his ears. “Don’t categorize me in your sickening sense of friendship. You are not obligated to do the things I ask you. You are not obligated to do anything. You can do anything you desire.”

“But I do desire it,” Naruto said, looking confused now, his mouth dragged down in an attempt at thinking. “What you wish— I desire it.”

“It’s tough work.”

“You’re my friend,” Naruto said.

“I want to kill him,” Sasuke insisted, rage replaced whatever was rising quietly in his chest like a whisper. “I want to cut him into pieces. I want destruction of that man no matter the cost. I want to wipe off his existence from this world.”

“I will help,” said Naruto simply, as if it was self-evident; as if it was the only thing worthy of his time. Sasuke’s heart beat steadily against his throat. He was made of such weak things, he thought.

“We’ll be strong together,” Sasuke said, short of a promise. “We’ll kill him together.”

Naruto was half-asleep. His head lolled on Sasuke’s pillow, his breath even. In the nights where Sasuke woke up blind, a pulse in Naruto was always the first thing he would look for; the beat flickering like the flight of a bird.

“You woke me up,” accused Sasuke, pressing his cheek against his pillow.

“You woke _me_ up,” Naruto countered. “I was dreaming.”

Perhaps they woke up one another; Sasuke liked to think that, anyway. Naruto retreated to his own bed, and by the time he had turned away from him, Sasuke had fallen asleep again; dreaming, he supposed. It was no matter— Naruto would wake him up when the time was right.

*

The Academy’s rumors were different. Naruto was a point of interest. The girl—Sakura, Sasuke later learnt the name— was the only one Naruto would speak to. Her friend sometimes ate with them, but Sakura was consistent in her stays, and each day they would meet on the playground, a bento in hand and a slow stroll under the setting sun an hour after school. They would wait for her by picking small fights with each other.

To say a fight was an exaggeration; Naruto had a nonchalance in his footing with Sasuke he never adopted when he fought anyone else. He would shrug when he was defeated and help him stand on his feet when Sasuke got knocked over. It was infuriating how much he didn’t care; it got on Sasuke’s nerves. When confronted about it, Naruto simply looked confused.

“I don’t want to kill you,” said Naruto.

“Stop boasting,” Sasuke said, mouth pulling downwards in petulance and anger. “What makes you think that you can kill me? I have done my fair share of learning. C’mon, fight me properly.”

Naruto refused. It only flared his irritation further.

“Because I am weak? Is that it? I am _not_. Fight me and I will show you.”

“ _It_ talks,” Naruto said. “When I fight— when I want to kill, _it_ helps me. I won’t be me. I don’t want to kill you. I don’t want to become-- _it_. I don’t want to be someone else.”

Sasuke worried his lips, and wiped the sweat off his brow. He extended a hand, and Naruto took it, swinging an arm on his shoulder.

Naruto closed his eyes. “If— if you really want to, I can try. I can do it if you want to.”

“Open your eyes and face me, Naruto,” Sasuke said.

Exhausted, their foreheads were tickling with sweat when they softly hit against each other. Naruto’s pale eyes flashed in fear. _You don’t need to know me_ ; Sasuke remembered.

“If you want to,” Naruto said quietly. Sasuke shook his head; their hair mingled.

“We’ll become strong together,” Sasuke said. “You will see. We will kill him, and I will help you control _it_ with my Sharingan— I will fight you as equals then. You will see.”

“Okay,” said Naruto, his eyes full of wonder. A movement from the trees jerked them apart; it was Sakura, looking refreshed and clean, a bright smile on her face.

“You’re late,” Sasuke said.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Sakura said, still smiling. “I guess you just have to wait a little, don’t you?”

She was getting comfortable, Sasuke decided. The prospect of a friendship between them was terrifying, no less when he saw Sakura carry ten stacks of books in her arms during one of their expeditions to the library.

“Something good happened?” Naruto asked, his arm stiff against his. He always acted off around her; he would either talk too little or too much.

She held a piece of paper to their face. Sasuke blinked at it.

“We are both top of our class, Sasuke-kun!” she said excitedly, waving her report. “I got the same grades as you!”

“I will beat you to it next time,” Sasuke said, trying to sound off-standish and failing. “But congratulations, I guess.”

Sakura shifted her weight. “Thank you,” she said. “I wondering if you—and Naruto—would like to celebrate it with me? Ino is already there. I’m about to join her, actually.”

Naruto looked alarmed, his stance turning defensive. “Yamanaka Ino?”

Sakura frowned. “Yes,” she said. “What’s wrong?”

Naruto shook his head.

(“Her friend is horrible,” he once complained. “She wanted to pull my hair.”

“She just wanted to touch it, idiot,” Sasuke had replied. “The colour is rare.”

“My mother had the same colour,” said Naruto, “ _it_ had told me. She cursed me and left, _it_ has said so.”)

“Where?” Sasuke asked, his hand coming on Naruto’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. Naruto relaxed against the touch, and nodded along. Sakura were glancing between them with a curious eye, and smiled. 

“We were thinking of getting ramen,” Sakura said, her eyes gleaming. “Sasuke-kun likes ramen?”

“I do,” Naruto prompted.

“Not particularly,” Sasuke answered in turn.

“There’s a place I know,” Sakura said eagerly, stepping forward to grab their hands. “I promise you guys will like it!”

“Naruto will like anything that’s comestible,” Sasuke mumbled, but let himself be lead to what he assumed was the ramen stand in Konoha, famous for being the only ramen stand in the entire village, mostly, and for its cheapness.

“Do we have enough?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke had been using his pocket money that he had saved up since seven. He weighted the money and nodded uncertainly.

“For two bowls,” Sasuke said. “No more.”

He can stop buying milk for the month; that will save them the need to throw them away after its expiration date, despite Naruto’s insistence that it was still drinkable. He spent a day in the bathroom, alone and in pain with his diarrhea for that statement. Served him right, Sasuke thought.

*

The man serving at Ichiraku, the name Sasuke later learnt, was called Teuchi. His kind and wrinkled face brightened as they entered. His dark eyes fell to him, then on Naruto as was the custom. What was unexpected was for Teuchi to greet Naruto warmly, one hand beckoning him over.

“Naruto,” the man said with a grin. “Back with friends? Oh my. The last time I saw you was four or five years ago! Iruka still asks me about you. He was surprised to hear that you haven’t visited. Glad to see you back. Miso ramen with extra pork?”

“Good memory, old man,” Naruto said, looking more at ease than he ever had in public. “But I will just take a normal miso bowl today, thanks.”

Sasuke rubbed his fingers against the coins in his pockets. “I’m not hungry,” he said. “You can take two bowls, Naruto.”

“What? No! You have to eat! We just trained!”

“You mean that we just attacked each other like a hoard of animals. I am not hungry—”

“You so are! Your stomach just growled!”

“It’s your own, idiot.”

“That’s just bullshit—”

Teuchi-san coughed. “Language,” he warned. “How about this? I treat you all ramen today to celebrate Sakura-san’s grades, alright? No need to yell, boys.”

They didn’t look at each other for the remainder of the dinner. Ino was delighted.

“Look at them fight,” she cooed, happily slurping her ramen. “It’s fun.”

*

The Hokage was at the front door of the Uchiha distinct when they returned in silence. The man had a pipe dangling from his mouth, smokes coming in circles.

“What do you want?” said Naruto. He shifted to come in front of Sasuke, one arm baring him from the world. “I won’t go with you.”

The Hokage looked just as wary. “I want to talk to Sasuke, actually,” he drawled slowly. “If it’s possible for Naruto to excuse himself for just a moment—”

“No,” Sasuke said, coming to Naruto’s side. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it to both of us.”

“It’s about your family.”

“He stays,” Sasuke said.

The Hokage puffed out a heavy cloud of smoke; Sasuke resisted the urge to cough. “Very well. I am here to discuss your family’s processions, and Sasuke’s inheritance.”

Naruto didn’t say anything, simply leaning to cover Sasuke whenever the Hokage came close. Sasuke turned his thumb against the copper of the coin, rubbing until it polished; they needed the money, and the Uchiha deserved a funeral, even if it meant to bow down to the village.

“Go on,” Sasuke said. “We’re listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized by looking through my notes today that this fic is going to be really, really long. Right now they are nine (so about three years before their graduation), and I plan to at least follow them until they are fifteen/sixteen. So please bear with me here. Meanwhile, thanks for reading!


	6. 彼岸花

彼岸花

_The Flower of the Dead (Higanbana)_

*

Sasuke was too young to remember why Uchiha Shisui drowned himself in that waterfall. He had not dared to ask, sensing the atmosphere of doom every time he came home; the secrecy surrounding the air. Nii-san went to so much mission the month following his death that Sasuke rarely saw him; it worried him.

“Why is nii-san not here?” Sasuke asked, pouting over his breakfast. “He said me that he will help me train today!”

Mom’s eyes were kind, deep circles under. “He’s hasn’t come back from his mission yet, darling. We can take a walk after breakfast. Would you like that, Sasuke?”

Sasuke brightened considerably after that, and with an exasperated shake of head from Father, Sasuke gobbled his food in one-go, and grinned.

*

Shisui-san’s funeral was different, Sasuke realised. Grand and overflowing, the whole clan had gathered at Shisui-san’s grave and listened to the rites. Nii-san was standing next to the stone; his face shadowed by a lining of hair, whispering. Sasuke hurried over, his hand reaching up to tug at the hem of his shirt. Nii-san did not notice, and in the strange air of dark murmurs, Sasuke listened.

“Nii-san?”

Nii-san didn’t. His face had twisted, and Sasuke backed down a step, afraid of its promise. “I’ve had enough of this,” he whispered, hair falling over. “There is no hope left. We focus on the trivial and lose sight of what’s most important. How can we evolve when regulation is the only thing we’ve ever known?”

“Nii-san,” Sasuke said. Itachi’s eyes met his. “Nii-san?”

His eyes softened. “Sasuke,” he said. “He was a true shinobi. All should look up to him.”

Sasuke worried his lips. “I heard— what I heard is that Shisui-san didn’t want to live anymore,” he said. And that nii-san killed him, but Sasuke wasn’t going to dwell on unfounded claims. 

Nii-san just laid a careful hand on the stone. “He died for a greater purpose than life,” he said. “You must remember that, Sasuke, that in all forms of living, to die for it is the most noble, and decay— self-entitled cowardice— is the worst. You must remember, Sasuke, and choose accordingly.”

*

“Flowers wither,” Sasuke said, stopping Naruto. “They don’t need flowers.”

Naruto grumbled. With his arms full of wild flowers and scattered bees at every petal, Naruto acquiesced reluctantly.

“It’s took me a long time to assemble, bastard,” he mumbled, burying his head in the bouquets. “I even got the edelweiss; do you have any idea how hard it is to get them?” 

“They don’t need flowers,” Sasuke repeated. “They are dead. Besides, you could’ve just bought them.”

Naruto was indignant. “You don’t get higanbana at those places. Shiragiku are rare; they won’t get them unless they search for it.”

Sasuke paused to stare at the brightly coloured buds, and the green stems still covered in dirt. “Where did you learn that?”

Naruto was picking the bugs out. “Learn what?”

“The names,” said Sasuke. “What they mean.”

The bug flapped its wings, struggling against Naruto’s palm. “My mother—” Naruto said, then remembered himself. He shook his head. “I was homeschooled,” he said, laughing quietly. “Why do you think I can speak this well?”

“You don’t speak _that_ well.”

“I had a teacher,” Naruto said.

Sasuke thought of the way Naruto slumped in his seat in the Academy; the futile glances at the teacher when he had his back to the chalkboard. “Iruka,” Sasuke said.

“Your mother,” Naruto said suddenly. _Uchiha Mikoto_ , it read on. “Is she your mother?”

“Yes.”

“Is she kind?”

The sun had streamed down her dark hair. His mother had the kindest smile, her eyes crinkling as she held his hand. Sasuke didn’t answer.

“My mother was kind,” Naruto said. Beyond them, the stones stretched on, and shadows followed.

The village will lend an acre of land, the Hokage said, for the fallen. This newly established Uchiha cemetery was separated from the common grave. There was not a funeral to stay through, as Sasuke remembered once with Shisui-san. No one to attend; no rites to sing for. The Hokage wished to settle the Uchiha _affair_ , as he dubbed it, once and for all. The bodies that had disappeared were actually disposed by the ANBU, he explained, and buried under this very ground that Sasuke stood on.

“He knows something,” Sasuke said to Naruto. They were sitting before the names of Sasuke’s parents, and Sasuke’s hands grabbed a fistful of dirt, wondering if the coffins where enough to stop the churning of his stomach. “He knows something and he won’t tell me. No one ever tell me anything.”

“He took your money,” Naruto said. His inheritance will be distributed as monthly allowance; he had no available guardians left to his care. “He has no right to do that.”

“I am nine.”

“Your birthday is in three days,” Naruto argued.

“Where did you know that?”

Naruto looked guilty. “Sakura told me,” he said. “Her birthday is in March,” Naruto added, shifting his weight.

“When is yours?”

Naruto tried. “I don’t know,” he said. 

“I hate being a child,” Sasuke said, turning to face the stones once more. “I hate it here.”

Naruto set the flowers on the ground. Bees fluttered around them; Naruto shushed them away and plucked one from the messy bouquet. Pale and the stem drooping over his fingers, Naruto presented it to him with a grin.

“Yours,” he said.

Sasuke took it sceptically. “It looks like any flower.”

“It reminds me of you,” Naruto said, and plucking another one, the cherry blossom quietly on his palm. “This one is Sakura’s,” he said, his voice a little strained.

Sasuke observed the yellow bud, and the fluff around it. “It’s my birthday soon,” he said. “Where’s your gift?”

Naruto snorted, pocketing the cherry blossom. “What do you want?”

Sasuke held the stem and rotated it. Mom would like this, he thought. Mom had always liked flowers.

“Let’s go to the lake,” Sasuke said, standing.

Naruto followed. “But we’re not allowed.”

“For my birthday,” Sasuke said, “I want us to go to the lake.”

Naruto picked up the flowers. “Okay,” he said. “What else?”

Sasuke walked up to mom, and placed the white flower on the stone. Wind ran its pace. “I’ll think about it,” he said.

The wind billowed. Sasuke heard Naruto’s yelp; the flowers had escaping his hold and scattered across the stones, shading red and white. Naruto grimaced.

“Sorry,” he said.

Mom’s grave splattered with white petals, the daffodil soon becoming indistinguishable amidst the crowd of colours. “It’s fine,” he said. “She would have liked them. Mothers like flowers.”

Sentiments, Sasuke decided. Useless, disposable, to be disposed of. Sasuke wanted to feel it again, the morning stroll with mom, and the careless worries of a brother to another. Sentiments. Flowers.

“My mother—” Naruto began. He didn’t seem to know to how to finish; the thought hanged there unfinished; the wind picked up the rest, and eventually let go.

*

Naruto had refused to come to the training. Kakashi just nodded with the same expression of boredom, and began the lesson.

He was reading his book the entire time, his eyes not moving from its pages and his hands in his pockets. It drove Sasuke up the wall.

“My Sharingan isn’t fully functional,” Sasuke said, feeling the slight shame tug him forward; but he was determined. “You have to teach me.”

“I have already told you how it works,” Kakashi drawls. “You have to channel your chakra to the host and bind the beast.”

“Not with Naruto. It’s just… I can’t follow _all_ your movements,” said Sasuke, clenching his teeth. “When I use my Sharingan… it makes me,” he trailed off, and couldn’t continue.

“Headache,” Kakashi supplied. “Dizziness. These are normal signs for overuse of Sharingan.”

Sasuke flushed angrily. “I’m not _over-using_ it.”

“Then your body must be doing it unconsciously,” Kakashi said, still appearing to be reading. “Sharingan is first activated by circumstances. You should be able to turn it off by will afterwards, but if your mind is constantly stressed, it will interpret every single situation as a fight and a danger to be countered with. Your Sharingan could be over-used, worn even before a fight.”

“I thought this is what our training is about,” Sasuke managed to get out between his teeth. “I thought you were going to help me.”

“I don’t know how to help someone de-stress; it’s hardly my job,” Kakashi said lazily, turning a page. “Our training consists of controlling the Bijuu. If Naruto isn’t here, I will teach you the theory and the practical knowledge. If you’re too weak to use your Sharingan properly, no effort will make you master it.”

“I am not _weak_ ,” Sasuke said, shaking all over.

Kakashi turned another page.

“Look at me, damnit — _look at me_!”

Kakashi’s eye went his way, cold in its intensity. “Next week,” he said, “we need to make sure the containment of the beast is a possible training from your part. Next week you will be able to use your Sharingan. You will bring Naruto along, if you can. Things will only be easier this way.”

“Will you— will you tell me? What’s wrong with me?” Sasuke cried, desperate for Kakashi to keep looking; desperate to be worthy, of what, Sasuke didn’t know. “Tell me! Tell me— why am I like this?”

“The blood will come off your hands,” Kakashi said, his visible eye brimmed with an edge of sympathy. Sasuke wanted none of that; sentiments— the feeling of his heart being slashed open, and slowly, letting the blood run its course. “It eventually will, and you’ll have to choose accordingly.”

“Make a choice, Sasuke. Live.”

_Sasuke. You must remember._

_Self-sacrifice is the greatest goal of any shinobi. Shisui was a hero._

_Remember._

Sasuke looked up. “Nii-san—"

Kakashi had stalked off.

*

Sasuke returned to their room with a horrible realisation.

“Sasuke!” Naruto cried excitedly, rolling off bed to grin up at him. “The training’s over? Let’s go meet Sakura— she told me after school that she had a surprise for you, so I didn’t want to tell you until you came back— what’s wrong?”

“I need to sleep,” Sasuke mumbled to himself, flinging himself on his bed without a care. “I need to relax. I need to—”

“Sasuke?”

“I need to work on this. I need to control myself,” he whispered, fisting his hair, twisting it. “They will take you away.”

Naruto’s smile fell. “What?”

“They will take you away,” repeated Sasuke, the voice raw in its terror. “They will take you away.”

“Your eyes— Sasuke. They are red again.”

“Don’t _look_ at me,” Sasuke snapped, willing his Sharingan to be blinked away. He was exhausted; his heart dragging oddly, contracting painfully. “I need— rest. I need control.”

“Sasuke,” Naruto said, looking calm despite the mad picture Sasuke must be making. “They won’t take me away.”

Sasuke breathed; it came out all wrong. “What makes you so certain? The only reason why they let us live together is because I am a valuable set in controlling _it_ — and if I don’t succeed— if I am _weak_ , they will take you away. They will take you, Naruto. They will take you—”

“They won’t,” said Naruto. “I promise.”

“How would you know—”

“You can kill me,” Naruto said.

Sasuke stopped breathing all together. The old beat of his heart dragged on, misshaped and deformed; Sasuke shook his head.

“I can’t kill myself,” Naruto explained. He looked apologetic, a little guilty. “ _It_ will just heal me. But if you want to kill me, you can do it. I won’t fight; I won’t let _it_ heal—I will fight _it_ while you— you can kill me then.”

Sasuke kept shaking his head. He had the distinct impression that if Naruto were falling, he would follow thereafter. His body spasmed; Sasuke shut his eyes, and trembled. The scattered limbs, and the split heads all came back to him, and the smell of corpse lingered.

“They won’t take me away.” When Sasuke met his eyes, he couldn’t see; Naruto’s face had blurred like a dream.

“When I walked up to you,” Naruto said, “you didn’t push me away.”

“You were crying,” Sasuke said. It was the first time Sasuke had seen someone cry up close; the staggering pain of another’s. Disposed sentiments; to be disposed. Sasuke didn’t push him away because he couldn’t— or else he would; he would have, he thought; he should.

Naruto laughed. “It was pretty lame.”

“I need control,” Sasuke said. “I need to relax.”

Naruto tilted his head up to him. He propped his elbows on his bed with his knees on the floor. “Let’s go meet Sakura,” he said. “We are going to celebrate your birthday.”

“We can do it tomorrow,” said Sasuke.

Naruto stood. “I’ll go tell her,” Naruto said hurriedly. “She’s waiting.”

“You like her,” said Sasuke. “Why?”

“She said sorry,” Naruto answered easily.

“That’s not a reason.”

Naruto blinked, and scratched his cheek. “You keep saying that. What do you mean?”

The sheets were soaked. It was summer, and Sasuke sweat through them. “It’s your turn to wash,” he said.

Naruto waved a hand. “I’ll be back soon!”

The door clicked softly behind. Sasuke exhaled through his nose.

_Control._

_Sacrifice._

_Remember._

Sasuke was too young to remember why Shisui-san died in that waterfall. The shadows creeped in, and there drag the old beat of his heart, _a choice_. Sasuke had wanted to choose the comfort of chaos— the lines overlapping against the others, black against black again black. Chaos comforted, but it was disposable. Sentiments. Flowers. To be disposed, all of them.

But chaos dictate nothing; it directed nothing. Control what? Sacrifice whom? What was there left to remember?

 _Power_ , he decided. The choice fell, and a path opened. _Power_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shirakigu is commonly used in funerals, meaning truth or grief, and higanbana, of course, means death. The white daffodil/suisen means respect. Intrepret it however you wish! 
> 
> I think now it’s a good time to say that I don’t particularly like Itachi nor his ideals in general. That said, his influence is very important in this fic (and in canon), so I like you enjoyed his little cameo. As always, thank you for reading!


	7. 上陸

_上陸_  
_Disembarking_ ( _Jōriku)_

*  
  


When Sasuke heard the knock on the door, he had already finished shaking.

“Password?”

A groan. “Really? I actually knocked like you asked me to.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Just say it, idiot.”

“ _Fine_. Ramen.”

“Only you would think such a stupid password,” Sasuke said, hopping off bed to reach the door. “No one would have thought of it usable. Accidental brilliance.”

“I didn’t want dendro-something. I can’t even say it.”

“Dendrochronology,” Sasuke said. “The method to date tree rings. It can be practical to uncover a henge during a mission.”

“Uchiha _Sasuke_ ,” came the muffled voice. “Open the damn door.”

Their room was located at the end of the hall. Naruto stood there, shaken by the scent of grass and July’s breeze; brief moonlight shone behind him and filtered through. Sasuke had his pouch of weapons ready in his hand.

“Let’s train,” he said.

Naruto rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn. “I have to wash the sheets.”

“Do it tomorrow.”

“Sakura wants us to meet in the morning,” Naruto said, stretching lazily. “Don’t you want to sleep?”

“No,” he said, and closed the door behind him. “Let’s train.”

*

In between the Uchiha district and Konoha, there was a place Sasuke called his. Corners, really, of hidden trees and skittered rocks, where Sasuke hid when he scrapped a knee, where Sasuke rested after reading. And Sasuke showed Naruto all; in their training, where conscience found itself replaced by the waves of adrenaline and the tingling feeling of a smile turning into full-blown laughter, Sasuke was strong in its resolve of hitting the opponent, quiet in its pursuit of fun with a friend whose face had split into a grin, and acted more like himself ever since the cave.

Uncertainty did not matter; tomorrow did not matter—even the future appeared distant in the laughter. And unaware of the steady foot of his position and the grin plastered on his face, he only realized later that he was using his Sharingan in perfect synch. Clear-minded and focused, Sasuke saw everything; from the way Naruto breathed to the way his muscles shifted; the bulging vein. Before he blinked, he had registered Naruto’s movements, and retaliated.

“That was cool,” Naruto said, letting himself fall to the ground, breathless and joyful. “You are quicker today.”

Sasuke snorted and settled himself beside him, the sky before them. “I’m always quick.”

“Not like today.”

“Today’s different.”

Naruto faced him, his eyes inquiring. The grass was his, Sasuke once thought, this training ground was his. Konoha, the five Nations, the entire world; Sasuke had all claimed it once. He had wanted it; nii-san looking up to him with pride, Father’s eyes shining in approval, mum’s smile. He had wanted to guard the world from evil, whatever evil meant, and dreamt of being a hero.

“I want power,” said Sasuke. “I want to be like this,” and he pointed at the sky. “To cover the earth. To chase him down. I want to see everything.”

Naruto asked, “How?”

Naruto wouldn’t prod, he knew, but there was always restrain when Naruto spoke in single-words. He wouldn’t ask, but he wanted to know. It wasn’t _How?_ It was _How can I help? How can I be of use? How can I belong?_

In Naruto there was a desire to understand, and in Sasuke there was a desire to share understanding, and solitude can only be shared when understood. Words whirled in his mind, but nothing he could say can explain the elation he felt; the _control_ he had earned with today’s realization. The line he had taught Naruto, the one in the Uchiha library, imported from afar—away from the seas, so many years ago, in the dusty pages of an old Latin sayings that mum had taught him.

“ _Contra mundum_ ,” said Sasuke. Etched across a thick parchment, and the vellum heavy on his palm, Sasuke had bought the book at the cave as a mean for entrainment. _You can’t find this anywhere in Konoha_ , he had said proudly. _Only here. Only with me._

Naruto smiled, and bumped their shoulders together.

If Sasuke can become anything, the world would have nothing to do with it. “I want you to come with me,” said Sasuke, “to Kakashi’s training next week.”

Naruto turned his face to the sky. The grass was fresher than their leftover bruises; it tickled Sasuke’s cheeks. “He feels familiar,” he said. “His chakra… I have felt it before. I have met him before.”

Sasuke’s voice went sour. “Like you have met Iruka before?”

Naruto laughed. “Why do you want to know so much about me?”

Sasuke titled his head upwards, bright stars scattered in the darkness. “It’s my birthday,” he said.

Naruto shifted to lay his hands behind his head. “You still haven’t told me what else did you want.”

“Come to Kakashi’s training.”

“Alright,” Naruto said. The darkness was comforting as they paused to see it; Sasuke watched the white dots of silver, blinking. “I have seen the things you draw in class,” said Naruto suddenly. “The lines. The stars.”

“Star charts,” Sasuke said. “Their trajectories.”

“You love them.”

“They follow what they have to follow, then they don’t,” said Sasuke. “They aren’t stable. They create chaos. Change.”

“Is it the same?” rang Naruto’s voice after a long silence. Their breaths were now even, and the crickets sung. “Loving the stars? Is it the same?”

“Same what?”

“Your parents. Your family.”

Sasuke didn’t know; he shook his head. “Kakashi can train us. We will improve with him. We need it.”

And no answer came; Sasuke almost fell asleep; his body rid of the adrenaline earlier. A soft shuffle of grass, and Sasuke opened his eyes to find a hand stretched out at the level of his eyes.

Naruto grasped the hand Sasuke held out in return, and together they stood. “You can’t do anything without me,” he stated.

Sasuke laughed. “Haven’t I told you?” he said. _“Contra mundum_.”

*

Sakura was understandably uncomfortable when Naruto simply poked at his piece of cake with a perplexed expression on his face.

“Eat your cake, Naruto,” she said. 

“A c—a—k--e? What’s that? It looks like a rag.”

“Just eat it,” Sasuke said.

Sakura cut a piece for herself; her face was solemn since they met, tear-streaked. Silence met her eyes when she lifted them up. “My parents don’t want us to meet anymore,” she said.

Naruto dropped his fork; it clattered on the plastic plate with a dry sound. Perspiration gathered on his brows. It was a hot day, and they sat at the park in front of the Academy, where they were far away from the playground, opting for the shades and the lack of crowd. “But you bake Sasuke a cake,” he said.

Sakura’s glance strayed on Sasuke. Unconceivable, brief, but an understanding kindled between them, and disappeared as quickly as it came. It wasn’t Sasuke that his parents had refused her. Sasuke took a bite of the mess of sugar and flour, unmixed despite the clear effort of icing on top. 

“It’s good,” Sasuke lied, swallowing with difficulty.

“It tastes horrible, though,” commented Naruto.

Sakura smiled; the violence hidden beneath shimmering. She can be violent when she wanted to, Sasuke thought, seeing the slight muscles of her arms clench in warning. Sasuke nudged Naruto with his elbow, but Naruto was eager to continue.

“I never had cake before,” he said, sticking his tongue out in distaste. “Do they all taste like bugs?”

Sasuke stared at the red fingerprints on Naruto’s cheeks. Before any of them reacted, Sakura was holding him up by the collar; with her face flushed with tears, the cake left unguarded on the picnic towel, and spilled all over.

Naruto recoiled, his feet kicking the grass. All emotions drained away; Naruto let his body go limp, and turned his cheek.

“My parents told me to hate you,” Sakura said breathlessly, letting him go with a small push. “They told me to stay away.”

Naruto’s eyes found Sasuke’s, then dropped to the ground. The grass was littered with pink frosting; some ants had already crawled over to claim it.

“Your birthday is in March,” Naruto said to her. “March 28.”

Sakura crossed her arms, shifting. “You remember.”

“We are in July,” Naruto said, holding out his fingers, determined. “Your birthday is in one, two, three…”

“Eight months,” answered Sasuke.

“Right,” laughed Naruto, facing Sakura again. “Happy birthday, Sakura.”

Sakura sniffed. “Save it for later.”

“There’s no later,” Naruto said. “Your parents—"

“My parents aren’t _everything_. They don’t get to say what I should do.”

Naruto folded his hands. “But they _are_.”

“No. They don’t get to say who I care,” and her gaze flickered to Sasuke; maybe they had spoken against him after all. “They don’t get to stop me from who I— _like_. It’s annoying.”

“But they care for you,” Naruto said. “You care them back. You listen to them.”

“That’s because Sasuke-kun’s parents have been kind to you,” said Sakura. Sasuke cleaned his hands with a single usage napkin, and choose not to correct her. Sakura was easy to read; her expression entirely clear, exposed to the light. It was beautiful in a way, Sasuke thought, and said, “Naruto is not under my parents’ care.”

Sakura looked between them, and settled on Naruto. “Then of course you wouldn’t know. It’s complicated. It’s hard, sometimes, when they care for you. They don’t listen. Not properly. It’s _tiring_.”

Naruto just looked at her; the same expression of abject fear and incomprehension stilling his features. Sakura faltered.

“You don’t have any parents,” she whispered. “You wouldn’t understand. They don’t understand me. School has been hell — and I couldn’t say anything to them. Because they _care_ for you. They care so much.”

Naruto bit his lips. “I still think you should listen.”

Sakura burst into tears. She jabbed a finger at Naruto’s chest, her eyes fiercely bright.

“You’re not like me,” Sakura accused. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Sakura—"

“We’re going,” Sasuke said, dragging Naruto up by the arm.

She wiped her tears messily. “Sasuke-kun, please.”

“Thank you for the cake,” he said. “I’ll let you win, for your birthday. You can have first place; I’ll let you win in March. Do whatever you like, just leave us alone. ”

But Naruto wasn’t convinced. “Sasuke—”

“I want us to _go_ ,” Sasuke said. It was hot, and warm radiated through Naruto’s clothes, enough to boil. Naruto’s eyes flashed red, then shut tight. He clenched his teeth.

“Alright,” Naruto said, and followed. Sakura’s sobs were quiet, but thorough. Sasuke wanted none of it.

*

When they have entered the classroom, Sakura was absent.

“Sakura called sick today,” announced Iruka at the beginning of class. “Summer heat is a threat, particularly to children. It is important to take precautions; is it understood?”

Naruto kicked Sasuke under the table. Sasuke stepped on his foot. Their exchange continued until Iruka threw a rather severe glare their way. Even then, the kicks resumed quickly enough that some students were peering at them openly.

The Hyuuga girl was particular in her stare, Sasuke thought, her eyes moving away as quickly as they had been dead set on them. The boy that sat next to her, the one with the pup barking at his side, was snickering quite loudly.

“Naruto, Sasuke,” Iruka said halfway through the class, breaking his third chalk. “Stay a little after class, would you?”

Sasuke had written nothing in his notebook except for a few run-off lines cut short by a nudge from his neighbor. When the class finished, it wasn’t Iruka that walked to them, but Yamanaka Ino.

“I don’t know what you did to Sakura,” she said, her focus entirely on Naruto, “but if you ever hurt her, I will kill you. Do you hear me? Do you, you little—”

“Naruto,” Iruka said, stepping between them with a gentle smile. “Sasuke,” he continued to a slight nod. “Never-mind the little squabble you guys seemed to have in my class instead of listening like a _proper student_. Never-mind it. It’s about this.”

And two blank sheets met them as Iruka fluttered them in plain sight: it was the sheet they had to fill during Naruto’s first day in class. Iruka opened his mouth, probably to inquire why it was blank aside from their names on top, but Ino wasn’t done; her face still red, and with sweat gathering on her forehead, she cried, “Sensei—"

“I would like you to go, please,” Iruka said patiently. “It’s not a serious matter, but privacy for my students is valued by the Academy, and I would like you to retreat for now, if that’s possible.”

Ino had a wild and desperate look on her face. “Naruto could’ve killed her. My friend—Sakura—she didn’t come to school today.”

Iruka laid down the two sheets and spread them. “She was sick,” he said.

Her face turned paler than her hair. “I didn’t believe the rumors, sensei. I didn’t at first, I swear. I just thought he was a weird guy. But I have seen him— I have seen _it_. When I touched his hair— the beast! The _demon_! I have seen it— it was red—”

“Sakura went to me,” Iruka cut her off gently. “She went to her today and told me she felt sick. It has nothing to do with Naruto.”

Ino was on the verge of punching the teacher, Sasuke saw. Two fists clenched. Murderous eyes. Sasuke pushed himself from the desk.

“Leave,” he spit out. “Leave or I will make you.”

Her eyes were on him for the first time today. They flared up further— hatred, Sasuke recognized them and was almost shocked, almost impressed. She never looked at him like that before.

“I will _kill_ you,” Ino said, infinitely threatening despite her age. She held herself upright, and sneered at Naruto. “I will kill you both if anything bad happens to her. It’s a promise!”

Iruka sighed when she stormed away, as if he knew exactly why she behaved and exactly why he let her go unpunished by her actions. “I want you to redo this,” he said, pushing the sheets at their direction. “I suppose it’s only fair. You have written nothing apart from your names.”

Naruto hadn’t spoken a word. His mouth opened, but only slightly, moving in quiet whispers. _In conversation._ Sasuke refrained a shudder, and focused on the blank space before him, the neat lines across his written name. The sheet was immaculate. 

“Sasuke,” Iruka addressed him with a sort of exasperation typical from a parent. “Write something, will you? I know… it’s a difficult time for you both. But I would really appreciate it if you and Naruto can write something about yourself. Anything. Just think about it.”

Iruka hadn’t glanced at Naruto’s way, Sasuke noticed. Not even once.

“Okay,” Sasuke said. “We’ll do it. Can we go now?”

Iruka scratched the front of his nose. Scars, of course, littered across his face, the biggest one on the bridge of his nose. Scars, even from a Chunnin instructor. Sasuke had scars on his knees and on his back, littered here and there during training. Scars meant experience, and Sasuke was proud of them.

Naruto rubbed his hand on his whiskers, and stared at his sheet.

“Yes,” said Iruka eventually. “Yes, of course.”

And he hurried off without looking back, or else he would have seen Naruto’s gaze upon him, and its shredding intensity.

“The lake,” Naruto said, his voice clear, unmuddied. “The lake, c’mon. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments! I really enjoy the discussions, so if you have any Naruto meta to throw me at (or just simple keysmash), I’m all ears! ♡


	8. お前は誰だ

_お前は誰だ_

_Who Are You_ ( _Omae wa dare da)  
_

_*_

  
There were things that Sasuke hadn’t told Naruto, of course; there were things he had never told anyone. Innocuous things about nii-san; how he liked his hair long and black; one time he had spotted nii-san in the bathroom dyeing it, and the loose threads of white in his hair; nii-san would brush it twice before getting out of the house, his steps a little heavier when he turned away; how his eggs were done perfectly, the same way nii-san had done everything else with an ease that Sasuke had envied, and envied still. Innocuous things about his family; Father’s dimple whenever he smiled, and mum’s slightly salty cooking; things that he would never tell; the secrets that he will bring to his grave.

They took what they collectively decided as the “muddy-no-good” road, but they couldn’t risk exposure like last time. Naruto shuffled quickly, used to the secrecy of the passage, driven by the life he had before him. Sasuke simply walked, unwilling to waste an ounce of his energy for show-off. _Go slow_ , was on the tip of his tongue. _Look at me. Talk to me. It’s my birthday_.

There were things that Sasuke couldn’t tell him. _Your eyes, otouto. Such a weak thing. Do you know how to awaken the Mangekou Sharingan? You don’t know how thrilling it is— power. Your eyes. You must kill. You must kill your_ — The quiet press of their hands at night sometimes, the checking of pulse as he startled again and again in the dead of the night, and Naruto’s answering eyes. There were things he couldn’t tell, but Naruto answered. He answered every time.

“Do you ever sleep?”

Naruto answered by showing his back to him. In their room, the Uchiha emblem was allowed, proud in the dark. “ _It_ keeps talking,” Naruto said, and urged Sasuke to go back to sleep.

The lake stayed the same, down to the squirrels that roamed the trees to the eeriness of its water. They stripped; their clothes piled up on the side, and without a word, threw themselves at the lake.

A splash of water, violent as it came, resided just as quickly. The waves hit Sasuke’s stomach, and the summer had lessened its heat. Naruto’s hair, damped and dripping, made him look something of a distressed rooster.

Sasuke took a breath and dived.

The first time Naruto had showed him this place, it was late winter. The frost slickered over the branches, and the squirrels were digging holes, eager for food. They threaded on ice, and Naruto told him the stories of monsters lying underneath it, the tales of another age.

“My mother—” and Naruto had hesitated then. “She told me. The monster in the lake. You don’t even feel it, but it kills you.”

When Sasuke emerged from the water, Naruto was standing idly beside him, the lake steep at the level of his stomach. He had grown fuller over the months, his body rid of malnourishment and sharp edges. It was a relief he couldn’t see the poking ribs, and the disgruntling image of something so fragile, easily broken by simple hands and winds.

The water had calmed him down and made Sasuke’s anger shimmer down to a slight feeling of uneasiness. They hadn’t spoken a word since Sakura, and Naruto, cleaning himself with a faraway expression, would likely not speak before he did; so he did.

“She hurt you.”

Naruto stretched. “Me? No.”

At the very beginning, the Academy simply assumed Naruto as an odd, albeit subdued child. Sasuke knew how loud and obnoxious he became the second eyes were turned away. He would laugh and brood the same way Sasuke had before but couldn’t quite manage now. It had overjoyed Sasuke then, when they first met, the thought of having a normal child of his age as a friend, one he can brag his collection of shuriken to and play with; someone that can look up to him for once. 

_We are not the same._

Sakura had denied Naruto; by denying him, she had denied them. She had denied them normalcy.

Sasuke thought for awhile. “Us, then.”

Naruto tipped his head; a silent nod. “She likes you.”

“You like her.”

“You need to have someone else,” Naruto said. “Another friend.”

“I don’t _need_ ,” answered Sasuke, irritated, “another _friend_.”

Naruto bit his lips. A fish had swum by, its body narrow and fluid, quick as a dagger. “I have told you. Sometimes I am not me. Sometimes I’m—half, and a little less than half. You need to have someone else. You need another friend.”

“Like Sakura?”

Naruto grimaced. “I didn’t want to make her sad.”

Sasuke came closer. He wanted to look at him, to properly differentiate the beast from the man; from the hair to the scars on his face, there was nothing in him that wasn’t Naruto: loud and obnoxious in his way into showing the world that he was different.

“Tell me then, if it bothers you so much.”

Naruto blanched. “What?”

“Tell me where you are wrong.”

“No.”

Naruto’s skin was smooth, dotted with freckles and moles. “Tell me about your scars. Your face.”

Naruto laughed; loud, pitched, Sasuke can’t help but join in. “You’ll never let it go, will you? You just have to know.”

“I want to know,” Sasuke said. “I want to understand.”

Naruto stilled, suddenly abashed. “Okay, um,” he said. “Alright.”

And he said he got them from his mother.

“ _It_ liked them,” Naruto explained, misinterpreting Sasuke’s silence for confusion. “So _it_ didn’t heal them.”

“Your mother had those? The whiskers?”

Naruto titled his head, a few droplets of water splattered against the surface. “No,” Naruto said. “She used a knife.”

Sasuke grabbed his arm. The lake made a sound along with the movement, and the world stagnated for a moment.

Naruto tried to move away. “Why are you angry with me?”

Sasuke held tighter. “Right about now I am, yeah. Stop asking stupid questions.”

“How did I make you angry?”

“You’re stupid.”

Naruto bit the inside of his cheeks. “Words are stupid. I can’t read them. I can’t read like you do. I can’t write the way you do. Words are _stupid_. But what made you angry? What did I say wrong?”

Sasuke threw his arms in the air; Naruto’s elbow slammed the water with a terrible sound. “She cut you with a knife!”

“Mum had her reasons!”

“And what are them?”

“She said—” Naruto cried— “she said she just wanted to take _it_ out. She just wanted to take _it_ out, I swear. She said that. Mum did nothing wrong.”

Sasuke turned away. Bare-footed, he went on to pick up their clothes.

“Where’s your mom now?”

Naruto stayed silent. 

“I asked you,” Sasuke said, cold in his pronunciation, “where is she.”

There was panic; Sasuke did not understand it. “Why are you angry?” asked Naruto. “I don’t understand.”

Maybe there were things that Naruto couldn’t tell him too; the innocuous things: maybe his mum said I love you every time he fell asleep, the gentle caresses soft rather than violent. But these were things that Sasuke will not know; these were things he would not care about if she cut him with a knife and made him believe that it was anything but.

“Where is she?”

“She lives— she lives in the white room,” said Naruto, the volume shrinking as he went on. “I haven’t seen her in years, Sasuke. Jiji—the Hokage moved me away. I couldn’t bear it. So I— ran. I found here.”

“The white room?”

“The room where everything’s white. The— bed, and the sheets. And— and everything else.”

Sasuke took a deep breath. “The hospital, Naruto? You have been living in a hospital?”

Naruto took his clothes from him, and stretched the sleeves.

A beat. “Is she your mother? Is she your _real_ mother?”

Naruto ran his hand through his wet hair. “I wish she was,” he said. “Isn’t that enough?”

*

When Naruto was drying the sheets, Sasuke took out the ball of paper, crumbled and wet from his pocket, and threw it in the trash. He ripped a page from his notebook and began to write:

_Class 320: Uchiha Sasuke, Age 10._

_The reason why I didn’t write anything is this: I have nothing to tell you. My dislikes and likes are not your concern._

_I will write. I will write if you want me to if you would tell me what happened between you and Naruto. There is something. I want you to tell me. I will tell you about Naruto if you do._

_Come find me sometimes after class. I want to know everything._  
  


*

Meeting Kakashi the week later in his usual lateness had been somewhat of a relief. School had caught up on the rumors both with Naruto and himself; it irritated Sasuke to the point where he had snapped at Naruto for no reason but alleviate frustration, and something else, too. Sakura sat with Ino, and where the latter had been shooting insults at them, Sakura hadn’t even glanced their way. She would not notice them at the training ground, nor he at the library. She had disappeared from their life completely.

Naruto’s grades were a disaster. It wasn’t a surprise, really. But it came off as a shock when Naruto showed him his tests.

“You failed them all,” said Sasuke.

Naruto shoved them back in his bag with more force than necessary. “They let me pass. I guess they want me to graduate.”

 _That’s unfair_ , Sasuke almost said, but caught the hypocrisy beforehand, and swallowed it.

Sasuke was tired; he felt he had been for a long time. There was two more years before graduation: where would nii-san be at the time where he would finally have the decency to grow old?

 _Power._ And nii-san eyes went red, black stripes swirling. _You can awaken the Mangekyou Sharingan on one sole condition. You have to kill—_

“Naruto,” Kakashi said. “It’s good to see you.”

Naruto mumbled something obscene; it was probably for the best that they didn’t get to hear it. 

“You’re late,” said Sasuke.

Kakashi gave an off-standish shrug. “I got lost on the path of life.”

“You got no life to speak of.”

Kakashi’s one visible eye curved. “Manners. How is your Sharingan?”

“Good. I can do it now. I’m ready,” he snapped. “Just get on with it already.”

Kakashi motioned them to come over. They gathered in front of him, one eager and another sceptical, and then Kakashi said, “I have to know how the rumour got leaked, Naruto. Would you tell me before we proceed?”

Naruto sat on the grass and narrowed his eyes. “What—”

“Your relation to the Kyuubi has been secret,” Kakashi said, “and closely guarded. You were not supposed to know.”

Naruto let out a choked laugh. “ _It_ talks, you know. _It’_ s not stupid. _It_ tells me things.”

“Have you tried to cease it?” Countered with a blink and silence, Kakashi tried again. “Have you tried to stop your communication completely?”

“If he did we wouldn’t be here,” said Sasuke. “Honestly, are all adults so dimwitted?”

Kakashi chuckled; Sasuke inched away in disgust. “You’re in a prissy mood today, Sasuke. Bad time at school?”

“You—”

“Alright,” said Naruto loudly. “What should we do first?”

Kakashi’s hands went to their shoulder. “First? You children need to stay still for ten minutes. Close your eyes and empty your thoughts. If you move we’ll restart again,” he said. “Starting now—”

“What—”

“Go!”

Sasuke sighed frustratingly and settled further into himself, concentrating on the warmth of Naruto’s hand beside his. Kakashi had left them alone, but his chakra was around, surrounding them entirely.

The trees shuffled their leaves. And Sasuke was so, so tired. The nights were spent tossing around, and thinking about. But now— now there was nothing. His mind contained nothing. _He_ was nothing. Maybe this time, he can… maybe this time he can really…

“Don’t fall asleep, oi.”

Sasuke opened his eyes to an exasperated Kakashi and an amused Naruto, who was very disrespectfully snickering in his hand.

“Ten minutes and then some,” stated Kakashi, his book on his hand again.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Maa, you didn’t move an inch, which was quite the goal,” Kakashi said. “Now that I’ve got you all relaxed… time for the tough part, kids.”

Naruto tensed beside him; he wasn’t looking forward to it. Kakashi, however, had his eyes on him.

“Sasuke,” he said, his voice authoritative at once, “you’ll use your Sharingan, and see through Naruto.”

“See— _through_ him?”

“Yes,” said Kakashi, closing his book. “You must try and access the Kyuubi that’s inside Naruto. Your eyes, in fact, must see _it_ , then your entire consciousness.”

Naruto protested; Sasuke wasn’t listening. He hadn’t felt joy like this one in a long time; the feeling of being useful. _Worthy_. “How? Teach me how.”

Kakashi sighed, as if all of this— the danger, the risk, bored him. “The source of the Sharingan is a long story— legend, if you will,” he drawled on. “Like the Byagukan, it is intrinsically connected with the Bijuu. They are essentially chakra creatures that only the carrier of Sharingan can control it. Fundamentally, you need to bind it with your eyes. I would say with your spirit, but that sounds a tad melodramatic.”

“So what is the trick? How do I use it?”

Kakashi crossed his arms, his fingers drumming on his elbow. “I have voiced my concern to the Hokage about it,” he said. “Normally at your age, it should be wise to start from the most basic genjustu. You’re not yet genin; your chakra control is below its rank. But the Hokage insisted to allow you a try; I wouldn’t say it’s kind of him.”

“I can do it—I _can_! Just teach me how!”

Naruto laid his hand on Sasuke’s in warning, but he was far too gone. Sasuke’s eyes shone feverishly, almost looking up at Kakashi with a wonder that he once reserved for someone long gone. Kakashi crouched down at his level, but he was now looking at Naruto, an odd expression in his eye. Back to him, and the boredom set back in, clouding his face. 

“You must listen,” Kakashi said slowly, “to your blood, Sasuke. It’s an instinct. I cannot teach it to you. Let your blood guide you. Concentrate.”

“You— you don’t have Uchiha blood, and you did it anyway! You’re not an Uchiha, and yet you’re…” stronger. Better. _Worthy_. “Please,” Sasuke said, on the verge of begging. “Please, just teach me.”

“I did not do it on my own. I am not an Uchiha,” Kakashi said, “but my friend was. He had passed his will unto me— his will to protect his comrades. I think you would understand that, Sasuke. Let your blood tell you how.”

But his blood, Sasuke was sure, was mocking him. Mocking him for all the things he still hadn’t done; mocking him for all the things he knew he had done: almost falling asleep at an important training, trying too hard for his grades when they were better things to do, more important ones. Sasuke grasped Naruto’s hand, and flung himself at him.

It was an awkward hug, one where limbs were tangled strangely and heads slammed painfully against the other. Naruto was talking the whole time, and as the white buzz in his head cleared, he had heard it.

“Don’t do this,” Naruto was saying, “don’t do this.”

Sasuke widened his eyes, and the buzz renewed. All around him was a slow, dawning red. Naruto faded. Kakashi faded. And Sasuke had heard it— Sasuke had seen it— red against the yellow ventures, and claws racking the fences--- Sasuke saw.

 _Brat_.

And in the cage where _it_ lived, Sasuke found home in the smell of corpse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hey, so I did some concept art.](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-RaVXUxzIt-ztm3C7sfyB0cy35m-I-p6/view?usp=drivesdk)  
> Thanks for reading! ♥


	9. 勇気の象徴

勇気の象徴  
_A Symbol of Courage_ ( _Yūki no shōchō)_

_*_

  
It was dark inside the beast.

Sasuke had expected terror; cold, molten against the ground and shook as _it_ breathed. Sasuke hadn’t expected awe, hadn’t expected beauty. Because _it_ was impressive; _it_ was _beautiful_.

Twisted, demented beauty. In terror, Sasuke found beauty in the way power swirled around _it_ like a decoration, like a promise.

 _Brat_ , it repeated.

“I know you,” said Sasuke.

Admist the Uchiha, they had brought up the events concerning _it_ with distaste, whispers at turns. Sasuke grew up with eyes on him when he got too near the discussions, the ones whispered out loud. _He doesn’t know, this one_. Every year, at a certain day in October, Father’s face would turn sterner than usual, and something would happen in the meeting room he wasn’t allowed in, and nii-san would stay with him, his hand gentle on his hair, telling him a story about ninjas and his name of hope.

Before him, the beast smiled in its cage, ungraceful and inelegant, atrocious in its intent. A kind of terror seized Sasuke. He opened his eyes wide, to take hold of this picture, of this demon, and shuddered without hatred at the possibility of what _it_ can do, what it can achieve.

 _So you are the Uchiha boy_. Its voice thundered, and shook the core. _I have heard a lot about you._

He was being taken as a joke. Sasuke shook himself awake. “I will stop you,” he said. 

The beast barked a laugh, disrupting the water flow. Beneath him, there was an even dank pool that reflected nothing or everything; Sasuke hadn’t looked.

_Stop me? Stop me from what?_

“You’ll get out of him. Get out of Naruto.”

 _That would be doing me a favour, you are. Unleash me into the wild_. It opened his jaw, and behind the sharp, murderous teeth, there was a flat tongue, swirling in pleasure. _Havoc. Chaos; it’s been long. Unleash me._

“I will unleash you one day,” Sasuke promised, “and I will kill you. Not now. Right now I just need to keep you under control.”

It seemed to be pleased; stretching itself, it laid a lazy head on his paws, tapping one clawed finger against the floor.

_Even Uchiha Madara couldn’t do it for long. What makes you think you can?_

Sasuke frowned. “I don’t know who that is.”

Its red eyes, bigger than Sasuke’s entire body, bore down on him. Laughter, cruel in its desire to mock, had resonated in the room—if it was a room. 

_Another one that don’t know anything… that’s why I hate brats._

“No one,” said Sasuke. “No one ever tells me anything.”

 _What do you want to know?_ Its head inched further, its nose peaking from the bars, its grin wide and feral. _Tell me, little Uchiha, you who do not know your own clan’s history, a pathetic little thing… I can crush you with my finger. What do you want to know?_

“There is someone I must kill,” said Sasuke.

_And if you die here? I can kill you._

“I will fight back.”

_Against me? What makes you think that you will survive?_

“Because I can’t die right now,” said Sasuke, feeling the bone-deep tiredness lifting like a veil, focusing on the red, dotting eyes. “I cannot die right now. My life,” he added, his voice shaking with all the defiance of a child. “My life is not mine to lose.”

The Kyuubi hummed. _You have potential, little Uchiha. You have ambition. What are you willing to sacrifice for it?_

“A lot,” said Sasuke. 

That seemed to peek his interest. _Not everything?_

“No,” said Sasuke. “There is someone I must protect, too.”

The rhythmic beat of the claws; the erratic remains of his heart. The same, and they beat on.

_What do you want, then? What can you achieve with so little will?_

“I have will,” snapped Sasuke. “I know what I want, and I am going to get it.”

_You seem to want many things._

“Naruto and I desire the same thing.”

_And what is it?_

_“_ I want,” and it came out as a whisper. He was coming closer. “I want—” and he stared at the vivid red eyes of a demon, and _it_ understood.

_Then come._

Entranced, Sasuke thrilled his hands on the tall, steeled bars. They sizzled dizzily, burning. Sasuke stood nose to nose with _it_ , his whole body pulling into the depths, the darkness behind bars.

 _Come to me_ , it said. 

Sasuke moved a hand up to the peaking claw, and saw it. Blinding, colourful, beautiful in its will. _Power_.

Power as a picture: red, daunting, swirling balls of chakra around him, embracing him whole, like mom used to do. Then picture moved; the chakra encircling him at the level of his chest; his heart. It hovered there, and kept hovering. The chakra whispered against his skin: _what are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to do?_

 _The brat told me about you._ All around him echoed. _His only friend, are you, little Uchiha?_

“Yes,” said Sasuke.

_I know about your eyes, Uchiha. I know what they need to fulfill the potential. Sacrifice. Blood. Are you willing?_

Realisation hit. “Where is he? Why is he not here?”

The chakra shone a bright red. The Kyuubi stretched his mouth to his ears, the whiskers stretching.

_He doesn’t like when I bring visitors. Stupid little thing. He hides so very well._

Sasuke startled. He looked around quickly, snapping out from whatever state the Kyuubi had put him in. “Naruto? Where are you?”

But the chakra kept him bonded. The red flashed before him; a stray thread of chakra over his eyes.

_How about this, little Uchiha? Let’s make a deal._

Sasuke twisted his neck to examine the corners. “Naruto! Are you alr—"

The chakra burnt; he screamed. 

_A deal_ , it continued. _I will give you what you want. This chakra is yours—if you survive it._

The chakra ensnarled him, and everywhere burnt.

_In exchange, I want your Sharingan._

“I—won’t give you my eyes—”

_I don’t want to take it. I want you to use it as I order you to. When the time comes, I want you to unleash me._

Sasuke sagged to the floor screaming. The chakra over his heart kept hovering and hovering. When Sasuke’s eyes flared open, they were red.

Naruto was standing next to him. He was wearing the Uchiha emblem on his back, and in the haze of red and gold, the meaning of the symbol—of his clan— shook him to the ground.

“Please,” Naruto was begging. “Please, Kurama. Don’t do this to him. He might die!”

_You didn’t._

“That’s—” Naruto staggered. “That’s different—”

_Have you told him about your power yet, Naruto? Or is he too weak for you to be honest with your poor little Uchiha friend?_

Naruto snarled, pointing an accusatory finger at _it_. “Shut up! Why don’t you ever shut up!”

And the emblem shone against the red.

The Uchiha clan. Their family emblem. Red courage, white rage, and _hope_. They were destined for great things. He was destined. He was _destined_ to have those red eyes looking at him.

The Kyuubi’s voice shook the entire piece. From their clothes to the seal on the bars, fluttering with the voice as it grew. A growl deep from the cage; a demand from a demon. _ANSWER ME, KIN OF MADARA. ANSWER ME, UCHIHA. ANSWER ME AS THE HEIR OF YOUR CLAN. ANSWER TO YOUR BLOOD._

Naruto’s hands were on his shoulder.

Sasuke grasped the hand. Too tight, this place; too little to breathe.

“You promised,” he said.

“I promised,” said Sasuke. “I promise you.”

He turned to the red eyes, still staring. “Whatever you put me through, I will survive it,” said Sasuke, their hands trembling in unison. “I will deal with you.”

Naruto just held his hand and said nothing.

“Now give it,” said Sasuke, his other hand reaching. “Give it to me!”

 _Brat_ , it said.

And the chakra that had been hovering ever still pierced his heart whole.

*

Between life and death, _it_ told him a story about Uchiha Madara.

 _He will rise again_ , it said. _And no one will be able stop him._

The chakra mingled with his blood, and the flow kept beating and beating like a heart that had been used for too long, and not enough. It ached all over.

Sasuke kept falling.

*

Sasuke was sitting on the small dock that lead to the pond when Naruto came to stand beside him.

It had been an odd sight. The child was small, too small for his clothes. So many things were wrong about the boy that Sasuke had forgotten to shush him away.

Nii-san had kneeled in front of the elders today. They were ready to attack; nii-san was ready to _kill_ , and Sasuke had yelled at nii-san to stop. Nii-san kneeled and begged for forgiveness; his head bowed low. Sasuke had never felt so wounded. _Pride_ , nii-san said, _is not as important as peace_. Sasuke did not understand, and nii-san smiled, and vowed to explain it to him next time.

Sasuke looked at the child sit beside him. They sat like that for a long time. Sasuke was mad that day, and so desperate for someone to talk to that he let the boy sit by the dock. Sasuke kept glancing at the boy, but the latter hadn’t moved. He seemed to be content, but taunt in his position, as if he were waiting to be told away. Sasuke let his eyes wander to the whiskers, the deep scarred visage of a boy with odd hair.

“You can stay,” said Sasuke.

The boy stared at their reflection, his feet swinging, hitting the wood every time with a loud bang.

“Today’s been a terrible day,” said Sasuke, his eyes falling back to the water.

“Why?”

The voice was light and hoarse, like he hadn’t used his voice for a long time. Sasuke wounded his arms around himself and brought his knees to his chest.

“My brother is very cool. He is kind, but people don’t understand him,” he explained. “He almost got hurt. My family wanted to hurt him.”

It was absurd when he put it that way.

“Why?”

Why had they wanted to hurt him? Why isn’t nii-san beloved by the family? _Why they wouldn’t tell him anything?_

Sasuke laid his head on his knees. “I don’t know,” he said. “No one tells me why.”

“Why?”

Sasuke snorted. “Is that the only thing you can say?”

The boy tilted his head so that they are at the same angle. “Why they don’t tell you things?”

“They say I’m too young.”

“I know a lot of things,” said the boy.

“How old are you?”

“I don’t know.”

Sasuke resisted the urge to laugh; it would be mean. “So what do you know, then?”

“There’s a demon in me. The village put it here.”

“What?”

The boy blinked. “Do you want me to go now?”

“No,” said Sasuke, a little too quickly in retrospect. “No. Stay.”

“Oh,” said the boy. “Alright. Can I hug you?”

Sasuke snapped his head up. The boy was perplexed, and looked a little afraid.

“Mom hugged me once when I was allowed to stay with her.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“When you’re sad,” said the boy, and didn’t continue.

Sasuke did not understand; everything about the boy had been weird so far. “You— can. Sure. Why not.”

And he did. Sasuke held on tighter until it became almost painful. Somehow Sasuke knew exactly where it ached; the bone-like body where he rested on. He knew exactly where it hurt. 

The boy had burst into tears. Sasuke clenched his fingers around the ragged clothes, and silently reciprocated.

*

Sasuke kept falling.

There wasn’t anything. There wasn’t an end that would come soon. His heart kept beating and beating, sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow. The chakra would listen to it and close the flow. The pain made him fall; again and again, Sasuke held up a hand to the air, and someone caught it.

It was Naruto.

He hadn’t let go, Sasuke knew. He didn’t know where he was, but he knew he hadn’t let go. There wasn’t a place for lucid thoughts in the myriad of pain he was in; there was only the knowledge that Naruto was holding on, and would fall with him if he fell down and crashed, his skull splitting in half, and Naruto’s would be next to him, whenever in pieces or in blood, he would.

Sasuke can’t die. He can’t die now.

Against the world. He hadn’t really cared what the world was, what it represented. _To endure_ , nii-san said. _To self-sacrifice_. Sasuke wanted nothing of the kind. Sasuke screamed when there was pain; battled when he wanted to protect; Sasuke will not sacrifice anything that he didn’t want to. There was only power, and only he got to decide what means he will use to get it.

Sasuke kept falling. Naruto will wake him up when the time was right. And they will be strong together; nii-san would die by their hands, and Sasuke would finally be allowed to live. He will finally be allowed to own his life.

And against the world they will go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I cannot stop sketching these idiots. [Here’s to a distressed Sasuke.](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aKw3eBqa32Gb19zPbzQuJAW91o4dQR71/view?usp=drivesdk)


	10. カカシの結論

カカシの結論  
_Kakashi’s Conclusion_ ( _Kakashi no ketsuron)  
  
*_

  
“No offense, Hokage-sama, but I did warn you about the possibility of this outcome.”

The Hokage sighed in his pipe; the smoke came out in circles. “And I told you not to worry. There is in Sasuke what I have seen in every Uchiha before him. He will wake up eventually,” he said.

Kakashi didn’t mention the time where another Uchiha did not wake up; _many_ Uchiha, in fact. “I will go check on Naruto,” he said, inclining his head, heading steadfastly for the exit. 

“How is he?”

Kakashi had his hand on the doorknob already. The Hokage’s office was still a sore room for him. “It’s bad,” he said.

The Hokage’s voice was foreign, old. “How bad?”

Kakashi wanted to go away. “As bad as he is allowed to, Hokage-sama. Sasuke is his only friend.”

“There has been that girl in the Academy.”

“You have seen how it turned out,” said Kakashi. “We have to let Iruka handle the situation. He let the poor girl go home.”

“Iruka has been good with him since the start,” the Hokage replied idlily. “I hope Sasuke will not suffer the same fate.”

Kakashi remembered the child: a sizeable amount of meat on both cheeks, full of life, he would grab anyone’s attention by shouting. It was the last day before they discharged him at ANBU. He hadn’t been doing much with his life since then, aside from building a scary reputation and using it for nothing but to make people leave him alone. “Am I free to leave, Hokage-sama?”

When Kakashi stepped out of the door, he heard the Hokage’s question.

“Do you think we can protect our loved ones like this, Kakashi? Lies, deceits, manipulations. Do you think this is sacrifice enough?”

But Kakashi had already closed the door and could not answer. He doubted the Hokage was waiting for one in the first place.

*  
  


When Kakashi was in ANBU with a heart too bruised and eyes too cold he was given the task to take of the child for a week before they found a better caretaker. Which shouldn’t be hard, since Kakashi was possibly the worst caretaker imaginable, but no one with their own child was willing for the job, and those who are, bold in their desire to please the order, were too young.

And he was lousy, that one. Beaming at every little thing: he had pulled his mask, messed his hair, and demanded piggy back rides. It was in one of those days where he would take the kid out for a stroll, with the boy’s arms around his shoulder and his feet dangling that he met Umino Iruka.

“Naruto is it?” asked Iruka. “Maybe one day I will get to teach you.”

Naruto cheered without understanding.

“Teacher-in-training,” said Kakashi. Iruka smiled.

“Trying to get my licence,” said Iruka, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s long hair. He didn’t seem to ever had a haircut; in fact, he didn’t seem to ever had much of anything. There was a curiosity in the boy that had fascinated him; a simple, unfiltered joy in discovering thing that Kakashi hadn’t witness for a long time.

Kushina-san would have loved to hold him, Kakashi thought, and then couldn’t. The blonde hair was definitely Minato-sensei’s. 

At the end of a discussion that lasted more or less three minutes, Naruto already had his little arms around Iruka, sleeping soundlessly. It was tirade when Kakashi had to separate them.

He got discharged quickly, his position in the ANBU switched with a boring Jounin teacher. _Take some pressure off_ , the Hokage said. _Take it easy_.

Iruka had continued to see Naruto. Kakashi would see them walking together sometimes, and they said hello with a small wave of hands. Kakashi tried to avoid them when they could; it wasn’t that hard.

*  
  


Naruto wasn’t sleeping. The Uchiha boy, however, had been in comatose since this afternoon.

“If he doesn’t wake up tomorrow, we’ll have to proceed to surgery,” was the verdict. “We’ll have to extract Kyuubi’s chakra from his own. It’s a risky take. He might not survive.”

“He’ll wake up,” said Naruto, his hand still clenching the boy’s, the Uchiha collar shying his face. 

It would be a lovely sight, Kakashi thought, if it were any other children. If one wasn’t the Uchiha that just got his entire clan eliminated, if the other wasn’t the container of a deadly chakra monster. It wasn’t so much affection than survival. _His only friend_ , he said in front of the Hokage, but it ran deeper; the instinctual need to protect another part of yourself from harm; the _good_ , worthy part of oneself, and the fear of being left alone, of failing.

Kakashi had failed once, and he continued so ever since.  
  
“There is a chance he might not wake up.”

“He will,” Naruto said.

“What if he doesn’t?” 

“I will die with him,” said Naruto effortlessly, as if it was self-evident, as if that was the easy part. “I won’t let you keep me alive. None of you gets to do that to me.” 

The Uchiha boy was breathing with all the tubes in his body. A jarring sight; the slight expression of pain on his face, and the tightening of his hand in his. _Hold on_ , the gesture said. _Hold on._

“You’re the Jounin that saved him,” said Naruto suddenly, eyes still on Sasuke’s limp body. “I recognize you now. Your face when you brought Sasuke here. You’re the one that saved me.”

“I didn’t save anyone.”

“That day, I almost killed him,” said Naruto. “You knew I would have if you didn’t come.”

“What happened to Iruka is hardly your fault, Naruto.”

Naruto finally glanced up, scrutinizing him. “Is that what you tell yourself, too? That I am not a murderer?”

“You’re a child.”

“I almost killed him.”

“Iruka knows it’s not your fault.”

Naruto laid his head on Sasuke’s hand, and breathed deeply. The Uchiha boy didn’t budge an inch. “I did that scar, did I? The one across his nose.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Kakashi.

“This world is _wrong_ ,” said Naruto; only his hair was seen, his face buried deep in their intertwined hands. “They let me live. You let me live. Because I have power. Because I am _useful_. But Sasuke— Sasuke’s family is dead. Have they stopped being useful? Is that why his brother killed them?”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Naruto laughed; only his hair was shaking. “You believe that?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Not really, no.”

“If I hadn’t met him,” said Naruto, “I would have died rather than come back.”

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets. He leaned back to the wall, staring at the wall, the machine beeping. “What do you want, Naruto? After he wakes up, what do you want?”

Naruto slowly lifted his head up. They were staring at the same machine: the electrocardiogram. It kept beeping.

“I want you to stop me,” said Naruto, “when I lash out.”

“That was the point of the training.”

“The _point_ of the _training_ ,” spat Naruto crudely, “was for you to control _Sasuke_. This place— you want to tie him to this place. You want to make him a tool. You want to make him like me.”

Kakashi tipped his head backwards. “Sasuke is Konoha’s ninja.”

“What does that mean?”

“A lot of things. A shinobi doesn’t get to decide.”

“He is Sasuke,” said Naruto, “nothing else. He gets to decide what he wants.”

“And you?”

“I will follow. I will do whatever he decides to do.”

Kakashi caught the irony. “You are tying yourself to him. You are deciding for him.”

“No,” said Naruto, sounding annoyed. “He gets to choose.”

“You are not giving him a choice.”

“He gets to choose,” Naruto said, but he was whispering to himself. “I _want_ him to choose.”

Kakashi almost sighed. “But you are scared,” he said, “you’re scared to be alone again.”

“No.”

Kakashi put his two hands behind his head. “It’s painful to be alone, isn’t it?”

Naruto shook his head furiously.

“It’s worse to lose it,” said Kakashi nonchalantly, “the single bond that you finally made. The loss is worse than loneliness.”

“I’m tired,” said Naruto. His other hand had come to cover Sasuke’s, too. With his head tipped back to their hands, Naruto looked as though he was praying. “I want you to leave.”

*

Iruka’s scar wasn’t Naruto’s making, but it was the reason why it was so large.

When Kakashi had visited Iruka’s house, there was a pool of blood over the floor. The boy was in the middle of it, unconscious.

Iruka was cradling the boy in his arms, and he was whispering. _It’s alright, it’s alright. I’ve got you. Don’t be scared._

As Kakashi brought Iruka to the hospital, he had refused to let go of Naruto’s hand.

And the boy’s hair turned as red as blood, as if tainted, coloured by that day, as bright as the sunset he ran against to rush to the hospital. Kushina-san would love to hold the boy, Kakashi thought, and left everything else unsaid in his head.

*  
  


Guy visited today with the same usual grin on his face.

“Yosh! How are you, my dear friend?”

Kakashi just slouched in his couch and gestured Guy to do the same. “Children are bothersome.”

Guy gasped, offended. “They are all beautiful spirits of youth! I can’t wait to have my group of worthy Genins!”

Kakashi smiled, exasperated. “Alright,” he said.

“Ah, cheer up, my eternal rival!” Guy beamed at him. “I know exactly how to cheer you up! A match—”

“No, thank you,” said Kakashi, putting a hand to stop him. “Sorry, Guy, I am exhausted. Thanks for coming, though, I do appreciate it.”

Guy blinked, clearly not knowing how to deal with the rare display of sincerity. “Yosh, no problem! I will stay the night!”

“What?”

“So that way when you wake up we get to have a match!”

Kakashi had his face in his hands. “Make yourself comfortable.”

And that was how after a long day of dealing with tiresome children he obtained as a reward a sleepover with another, frankly more immature child than the literal children he had to handle today… who happened to be his friend.

It wasn’t altogether bad.

“We can compete who runs to the bathroom the fastest!”

Not _altogether_.

*  
  


As Guy cheered a farewell with way too many hand gestures, Iruka was waiting by the door.

“How is Naruto?” was his first question. Usually Iruka would start with a soft and hollow _how are you_ before getting to the point. “He hasn’t come to class today.”

“He’s fine,” said Kakashi. “He is at the hospital with Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Sasuke? They’re not hurt? What happened?”

“An accident,” he said briskly, as the Hokage did not allowed to discuss the subject of training to anyone. Iruka understood, and didn’t press further.

Iruka scratched his nose; Kakashi now painfully aware of the scar branded the skin, ragged and deep. “Look after them, will you? They always get into trouble, these two…”

Kakashi just stood by the door, neither inviting him in nor asking him to leave. It was awfully impolite of him, but he wasn’t known for politeness.

“Why do you care so much about the boy?” asked Kakashi eventually, as the silence became stale quickly. “He did almost kill you.”

Iruka frowned, looking a little angry. “I have told you many times that it wasn’t his will—”

“That boy had stopped talking to you ever since.”

Iruka faltered. “He felt guilty,” he said. “He was only a child. He still is.”

People had said to Kakashi, too, when he was a child. _Is that what you tell yourself? That I am not a murderer?_

“I still don’t see why,” said Kakashi.

When Iruka stared back, it was with pity. “Don’t you understand?” he said tiredly. “Our generation has imposed this unto _children_. We let them shoulder our guilt and pain. Don’t you think it’s unfair?”

“The world has been like this for awhile,” Kakashi said. “It’s the price we have to pay.”

Iruka’s eyes were as tired as he felt. “For peace,” he said.

“Peace,” answered Kakashi, and the subject was dropped. Iruka nodded, and turned his heels. Kakashi closed the door, and here went another day he didn’t exactly look forward to nor care about. The early sun shone a bright white, and in the eery streets of Konoha, the ground was glistening.

Kakashi put on his Jounin jacket, took the keys, and slowly walked his way to the hospital.  
  


*

Sasuke woke up. He knew this because the room was empty when he came, and the window was opened wide, the curtains fluttering comically like a reminder of their mistake.

The ANBU in charge for the night laid bloodied and battered on the floor, but still breathing. The Hokage wasn’t impressed.

“They are back in the Uchiha compound,” the Sandaime said. “Of course they haven’t left the village, Kakashi.” When Kakashi lifted an intrigued eyebrow, the Hokage sighed. “I told you, there is something in Sasuke that I have seen in every Uchiha. They all shoulder it. The curse.”

“I know,” said Kakashi, and thought of a friend from a long time ago. 

“They call it the curse of hatred,” said the Hokage, “but no matter how they twist it, the curse had always been a symbol of excessive sympathy. It had always been about love. Sasuke will not leave the village before understanding why he hates, and what he seeks.”

“He will leave eventually,” said Kakashi. “He vows to kill.”

“We’ll try and rehabilitate him.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

The Hokage had a tolerant smile on his face. “You hardly have so many questions, Kakashi.”

Kakashi bowed down, but there was one question still roaming in his head, one question he had to ask. 

“What about Naruto?”

The Hokage’s hand stilled on his pipe. “What about him?”

“You have seen them, Hokage-sama. They are practically inseparable.”

The Hokage was rummaging through the papers, and picked up two dossiers. Photos of Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto from their Academy; their weight and age were written with a clear, sleek calligraphy, the ink fresh and unstudied.

“We often forget things from our childhood, Kakashi,” said the Hokage. “Sometimes we need to separate from those that we don’t want to be separated from. It’s a part of growing up.”

Kakashi bowed lower. Cold sweat was gathering behind his back.

The Hokage kindly ordered him to stand. “Take these. You will act as their caretaker for now, Kakashi. Always the hard task for you, I’m afraid. Minato would be proud of the young man you have become.”

Kakashi took the dossiers and dared to breathe only when he crossed the room. He walked around the village for two full hours, staring at nothing but the sky, bumping into trees two times in a row only to head back to the familiar route of the Uchiha compound. As he gazed at the red and white symbol at the wooden door, Kakashi wondered if he ever grew up, and if he ever will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your dumb sketch of the day. [Have a sad Naruto holding Sasuke’s hand.](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aZkKbeQvGScyp9qXBAve_5fgBdavWXVu)


	11. 夢の為に

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ft. Tiny children acting like tiny children.

  
夢の為に  
_For the Sake of Dreams_ ( _Yume no tame ni)_

*

Naruto was loud when he wanted attention. He would jab just at the right place— his finger on his cheek or his forehead— for Sasuke to lose composure, laughing as Sasuke lunged at him. They would fight with their hands and feet, no real coordination in their movements, and Naruto would charge at him screaming, high-pitched and carefree, rolling on the tatami, their backs on the ground as they panted in exhaustion. They had always been loud with each other, in their room, with Sasuke scolding him to do his homework and Naruto whining in exaggerated agony— there were things and words between them that they had always wore on their sleeves.

Naruto had never been quieter.

“Stop that.”

Naruto kept walking in front of him.

“I don’t need _this_ ,” Sasuke snapped. He pushed his back, desperate to provoke, to retaliate, to do _something_. “I don’t need _protection_ , Naruto.”

Naruto ducked his head, unrelenting in his pace forward. They continued walking with Sasuke rubbing his hand on the skin, the prickling feeling of needles points on his arm.

Sasuke stared at his hands, flexing. Pain travelled to his body in waves. “You know,” he said, “I can feel what you’re feeling.”

“The Kyuubi,” Naruto croaked.

Sasuke paused. “ _It_ told you. You were there.”

“ _It_ tells me everything. I’m always there. Some part of me is always there.”

Sasuke tried to pull the chakra string. A spark, then nothing else. Naruto had cut it off.

“Don’t use _its_ power,” said Naruto, strained. “Don’t do it _now_.”

Sasuke had enough. “Stop ignoring me!”

“I’m not ignoring you!”

“You _are_!”

“Stop it!”

“ _You_ stop it!”

Naruto hadn’t turned to him once. Sasuke closed his eyes, concentrating until a bead of sweat slowed down his cheek. Another string formed, red and angry. He pulled.

Naruto stopped, his shoes grinding on the ground. A sound deep from his throat, like a wounded animal, Naruto had glanced at him for a second, then back to the road.

“Would you _stop it_? We’re going home.”

“You’re angry,” accused Sasuke. “You’re mad. You’re in—"

Naruto broke the string; stung, Sasuke tried to run to him. His feet kept dragging behind, and, tripping, falling, scrapping his knees.

Everywhere hurt; his body was paralyzed, and pain coursed through his veins like lightening. He got up shakily. “You’re a _coward_ ,” he yelled, panting to the place Naruto had already left. “You know I would wake up! You just don’t want to see me— you just don’t want to see me— _different_ \-- better! It’s not a _fault_ , Naruto. It’s not _your_ fault.”

The voice came out tight, weak. “You-- can die. You could’ve.”

Sasuke felt anger, then, as if to soothe it, he said, “If you didn’t die, I won’t either.”

Naruto halted. The Uchiha emblem still stamped proudly on his back; at this point the class had stopped to question it, and Sasuke couldn’t be bothered with what others think anymore, not when he had so much to think on his own.

Naruto said, “You were dying.”

“It was a deal to show if I am worthy.” Sasuke raised his voice higher, his back straighter. “ I _am_ worthy.”

“You looked dead. You were _grey_. Your entire face was—"

Sasuke sneered. “You know I would wake up.”

“The way you looked— you don’t know how you looked—”

Sasuke’s pain stopped at the chest. He clutched the front of his shirt and twisted. 

Naruto didn’t move; Sasuke turned him around roughly by the shoulder.

“I can feel it,” Sasuke said. “Stop hiding.”

Power swirled in his blood; it wasn’t anything he had felt before. He had taken the ANBU alone; the man clearly underestimating him, his face contorting in horror when Sasuke’s hand grew red and broke his arm as soon as he laid on it. Naruto stood by and watched it happen. He didn’t question it, just nodded when Sasuke declared he wanted to leave. They climbed up the window and jumped on the nearest tree. His entire body shook; the left-over shocks of injections and not eating for a day. This wasn’t it. The pain wasn’t his, not entirely.

It was Naruto’s emotion coursing through his veins. It hit all over the place, and absolutely _everywhere_. The chakra inside him pulsed; a string formed. It was Naruto’s heart, beating everywhere; messy, inarticulate, but Sasuke felt what it had to say.

Naruto slammed his head against his, hard. Sasuke felt his mind buzz, but held his shoulders tight.

“You won’t lose me,” Sasuke said.

Naruto’s eyes shone brightly, almost blurry because of the closeness. “I know I won’t.”

“There’s no one else but us,” stated Sasuke, proud and defiant, reaching to grab Naruto’s hair. Naruto hissed, but let him.

“Right,” said Sasuke, a handful of red threads between his fingers. “Your hair— it wasn’t red before.”

Naruto frowned at him. “What do you see?”

“ _It_ ,” Sasuke said.

Naruto grabbed his hand hard enough to bruise. “Then don’t touch my hair.”

“Why?”

Naruto gawked, baffled. “ _Why_? What do you mean why—”

“Why are you afraid?”

“I’m—”

“So you’re broken,” said Sasuke coldly. “So am I. There’s no one else but us.”

Naruto stared at him. For a good time, that seemed to be the only thing going on in the world. A bird chirped. They let go each other, suddenly embarrassed. Naruto retreated to Sasuke’s side, looking ahead.

“I used to think about it,” Naruto said finally, his hands on his sides. “I used to dream about it.”

Sasuke knew. They had, in some way, shared the same dream. “I’m not afraid of _it_. I’m not afraid of you. _It_ had given me power; I know what it can do. I don’t care.”

Naruto walked slower, now, softly threading on the soles of his shoes. “I can feel what you’re feeling too, y’know.”

“The chakra,” Sasuke said. “I can feel your chakra—it’s different than others. I can only see for theirs, but yours—yours—”

“It’s his chakra,” Naruto countered mildly, shrugging. “We are sharing it, I guess.”

 _Kurama_ , Sasuke thought. _Him_. An animal, a creature, a demon— Sasuke had seen a man cause more destruction than a demon. “It’s not just that. You know it.”

Naruto didn’t hesitate; his fingers came to break his own skin. Blood ran like water, then closed just as quickly. Naruto looked at Sasuke, who was holding his wrist in alarm.

“Idiot, what are you doing—"

“Did that hurt you?”

Sasuke staggered. “No—”

Naruto swatted his hand away and laughed. “You did!”

“I did not!”

“You did! You winced!”

“That’s because I felt bad for you for being such an idiot, you—”

Naruto clawed himself hard enough to tear the skin. Sasuke hissed, and held his arm close.

Naruto’s grin was triumphant. “You see! You do— you’re hurt! Our chakra does connect—"

The skin healed quickly; but judging by look on Naruto’s face, Sasuke must be have turned pale from the pain.

The grin wavered. Naruto looked down. “Sorry,” he said.

Sasuke huffed, a little light-headed. “It hurt you too.”

“Oh!” Naruto snapped his head up quickly. “It doesn’t hurt me at all. It’s not happening to me. It’s only my skin— it doesn’t hurt me at all.” Naruto blinked. “I mean— when it does hurt, I’m not in my body. I’m inside. I’m—somewhere else. Somewhere safe. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

Sasuke turned away, shoving hands in his pockets with more force than necessary.

“Liar,” he said.

Naruto scowled. “I’m not a liar. I’m telling the truth.”

Sasuke flexed his hand, closed it in a fist. He can see it with his Sharingan, the string of chakra from Naruto to himself. This time it stayed, tentative and fragile, but stayed.

“I know you are.”

“Asshole.”

“You can be a liar even if you don’t know it,” Sasuke said. “I can feel it. Pain. The chakra tells me. It’s your pain, Naruto.”

Dull pain at the back of his head. His hand cold and clammy. He didn’t know if this were Naruto’s feelings or his; if this were what would happen if he was somewhere else. Out of his body. Inside.

Naruto’s stomach growled; an angry flush settled on his cheeks.

“We’re home,” said Naruto.

Kakashi was waiting by the door; Naruto’s stomach wasn’t the only thing growling desperately, now.

“Why is he here?” Naruto whined. “I want to eat.”

“Maa, you’ll get to eat soon,” Kakashi said good-naturedly, the rings under his eyes somehow more pronounced. His eyes stayed as dead as ever. “Do you think you can spare some time for a little talk, you two? I know it’s been a tiring day. Especially you, Sasuke, taking down an ANBU like that. Must have been tough.”

Sasuke let his eyes ran blandly to the man. “Didn’t cost me a thing.”

Kakashi hummed. “You were dying, after all.”

Sasuke made a small sound at the back of his throat; his head was still buzzing.

Naruto groaned. “Say, what do you want? Sasuke can’t train. I don’t really want to train with you anyway. No way I’m doing it without him, right Sasuke?”

“Right,” Sasuke mumbled, not knowing what was said.

Kakashi shook his head. “Harsh little kid,” he accused.

Naruto pulled his tongue at him.

Kakashi, on the other hand, pulled out a smile. “I just wanted to tell you two that I will be your official caretaker until further notice. So anything that has to do with your health— (Sasuke grimaced)— or your school grades—(Naruto groaned again)—you can come to me, alright?”

Naruto held his chin up. “We don’t need a guardian!”

Sasuke rubbed his temples. “We kind of do, Naruto.”

Naruto gasped at him. “Are you taking this old man’s side instead of me? He’s dangerous!”

“I’m not that old,” Kakashi protested blankly.

“Your hair is all white!”

“Been like this since I was your age, little kid.”

“Don’t call me kid!”

“We _are_ children, Naruto,” Sasuke insisted, the thudding in his head growing by the second. “As much as I hate to admit it, having Kakashi as a guardian is probably the best deal that we can have. He doesn’t care about formalities, and we can use him to clean the house—"

Kakashi tutted. “I’m not cleaning anyone’s house.”

“— and take his money when we don’t have enough,” Sasuke continued. “If he becomes a danger, we kill him.”

“Maa, a little intense, but since I won’t ever become a danger to you cute little children, I’ll take it.”

“We don’t have to trust him,” Sasuke said.

“Oh, you do need to trust me,” Kakashi corrected. “I _do_ have access to all your legal documents.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes at him. He motioned over to Naruto, and, whispering conspiratorially, he said, “Also, Naruto…”

Kakashi scouted closer.

Naruto did the same, putting a hand before his mouth, he asked, “Did you buy ramen for tonight?”

“No.” Sasuke wobbled a little, confessed, “But I think I’m going to faint.” And, stumbling backwards, he fainted.

*

_Unleash me_ , it said, the pain scathing his scalp. _Unleash me when Madara rules. Unleash me when he is back._

The string of chakra tugged softly on his finger, and didn’t let go.

*  
  


They returned to the Academy after one week of mandatory rest. Sasuke planned to use that time to train, but Naruto would use every excuse to rest; waking up purposely late, eating slowly, whining about physical strain. Naruto seemed to have the time of his life by annoying him into sleep.

“Gotta sleep, gotta eat,” Naruto sing-sang. “C’mon, Sasuke. It’s _so_ early.”

“No,” Sasuke said, his head already rising from his pillow. “Shut up. We need to train.”

“One more minute!”

Sasuke grumbled an insult, turning his head away.

“C’moooooon.”

Sasuke had already closed his eyes. “Alright,” he whispered, and immediately fell asleep.

Sasuke woke up five hours later with a steaming hot ramen cup at his nightstand. He sighed.

“You don’t need to do this. I’m perfectly healthy.”

Naruto just slurped his ramen. Sasuke took his reluctantly.

“School is _boring_ ,” Naruto said, sitting on the floor near his bed, eating happily. “If you want to train, we always have Kakashi.”

“You just hate school,” accused Sasuke, blinking as he stretched. “Kakashi can’t teach us theory. He sucks at it. Even Sakura explains it better.”

Naruto didn’t answer. Sasuke blew on the steam; the cup was warm in his hands.

“We don’t need theory when you’re out there trying to kill someone.”

“Tactics. Plans. You need to be unpredictable without alienating your teammates.”

“We don’t need teammates.”

Sasuke reached for the chopsticks, musing.

“We’ll graduate, you know. We will be placed in teams.”

Naruto stared at the soup for a moment and looked up in alarm. “We’ll be in the same team, right?”

Sasuke ate slowly. The trash needed to be taken out today; the smell was getting foul. “Of course,” he said. “It’s not an option. They will put us together.”

Naruto looked content. “I think Kakashi is alright. He can be our teacher.”

“That’s a drastic opinion change considering you hated him since you first met him.”

Naruto waved a hand. “I remembered why I hated him,” he said, stuffing himself with ramen. “Turns out it wasn’t him that I hated.”

“Are you going to tell me why?”

“If you want to.”

He shook his head, stirring the soup for awhile before answering, “Kakashi is fine, I guess. He comes here way too often, though.”

“He’s our guardian.”

“He’s not our _dad_.”

There was a noodle dangling on his lips when Naruto looked up. “Isn’t it the same?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Clean your face,” he said. “It’s disgusting.”

*

Sakura was sitting next to Iruka at the end of the class; she flinched when he came closer.

“I have some questions for him,” Sasuke said.

“Then wait your time, Sasuke-kun,” she answered, defiant. Sasuke held to his resolve and ignored her.

Iruka smiled reluctantly, fingers tapping repeatedly on the table. “She’s quite right, Sasuke. You have to wait your time.”

Sasuke crossed his arms. “You didn’t answer my letter.”

“It was an assignment, Sasuke. I received it. There’s nothing more to it.”

Ignoring the chakra string pulling at his end, he said, shaking a little, “So you won’t tell me.”

Iruka held out the piece of paper that Sasuke had written on and gave it back to him. “It’s not my place to tell,” he said kindly. “It’s not your place to ask if the person in question does not want you to know, Sasuke.”

Sasuke bit his lips. He didn’t want to do this in front of Sakura. In front of Naruto. The nagging of the chakra string became insistent. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.

Iruka took pity on him. “Sorry, Sakura. Would you retreat for a minute? I just need to say something to Sasuke. It will be over soon. Naruto, you too,” he added.

The chakra flashed red, and the string wavered.

“Please,” Sasuke said. “Just a minute, Naruto.”

Sakura went away first. Naruto trailed at the door, watching him. He jutted his lips and went away without a word.

“I heard about Kakashi-san,” Iruka began. “You’re in a new situation. You don’t know what to do.”

“There’s so much that I don’t know,” Sasuke said. There was something about Iruka— his gentle manner and soothing words, that reminded him of mom.

“You have trust people, Sasuke,” Iruka said. “I can’t tell you about Naruto because I am not him. His memories belong to himself. I don’t hold that right. You have trust him enough to respect his secrets and concerns.”

Sasuke was indignant. He tried to make him understand. “Naruto is different,” he said. “We are different.”

Iruka laughed a little, folding his hands. “Of course. But it doesn’t mean that you should ask things without him knowing. I’m sure he will tell you when he wants to.”

Sasuke worried his cheek. “He kept saying that. He kept saying that he will tell me if I want to. I don’t want that. I want him to _want_ to tell me.”

“It’s because he rarely had people in his life that respected him,” Iruka dictated. “Sasuke, you don’t need to know a person entirely to trust them. You don’t need to know their everything to trust that they won’t leave. It’s not a test. It’s not an exam. You don’t need prefect grade to keep learning.”

Sasuke slammed his hands on the table. It made an ugly sound. He turned his face to the window. “It’s not about _that_.”

Iruka’s voice turned stern, his eyes severe. “It’s exactly about that, Sasuke. This is about you more than it is about Naruto. You need to trust people that care about you. And from what I have seen, Naruto cares a lot.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not about this.”

Iruka hesitated, wanting to reach Sasuke’s head, probably to ruffle his hair. But that reminded him too much of something—something too far away. He staggered; a pitiful whine buried in his throat. The chakra string rose up in alarm, and vibrating, it gave Sasuke enough energy to finish, “It’s really not about that. I’m just trying to understand. I want to understand.”

Iruka straightened his Chunnin jacket, calm and collected. “Then trust him that he wants to understand too. Take time in understanding. Not just Naruto, but your classmates. Kakashi-san. It will hurt less when you trust, Sasuke.”

Sasuke tried, his chest heaving. Sasuke tried, because it hurt too much to function sometimes, and he needed to function. He needed to live.

“I will try,” he said. “I will.”

Iruka’s eyes stayed on him. “Call Sakura back, please. She wasn’t done with her questions. I dare say that she’s going to stay first if you don’t catch up soon, Sasuke.”

“I will catch up,” Sasuke said, and before turning away, he added, whispering, “Thank you.”

Iruka scratched his nose, the tip of it pink. 

*

  
Trust Naruto, that’s where he will start. Trust him completely and without reservation. Trust that he won’t leave. Trust that he won’t die. Trust.

It took him two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting on to the canon era next chapter!


	12. START

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ft. Kurama’s sass.

START  
*

Sometimes they did it without noticing. Sometimes they pretended not to.

“They’ll let me graduate,” Naruto said. None of them slept until they were sure the other did. “They’ll let me. They need me. They want me in this village, Sasuke. Stop worrying.”

But Sasuke’s hand was in Naruto’s, and both of them felt the quiver. Naruto’s hand was calloused; there was no scars. Sasuke can’t fell asleep not holding it. They pretended to not notice. They had to.

“You helped me study,” added Naruto.

Sasuke hissed. “It’s not enough, you know it isn’t. Theory I can help, but you can’t do _that_. And you know that it will be on the exam. You can’t do it.”

_His chakra control is weak. He is weak._

“You’re _not_ weak,” Sasuke said. His bed was so close to his that he didn’t need to move. He held his arm, the hand curling beneath his elbow. “Don’t listen to him.”

_I’m right, brat. He is nothing without me._

“He’s lying,” Sasuke insisted, his voice coming off a frustrated whisper. “Don’t listen to him. Don’t listen to anyone. We can’t trust anyone but ourselves.”

Sasuke, scared that Naruto had fallen asleep, scared that he will stop breathing if he ever see Naruto close his eyes, blurted out, “If you fail— then I will—I will refuse to graduate. There are other ways to gain power. Kakashi is training us.”

Naruto’s arm stiffened. “He is _babysitting_ us.”

“He is training us,” Sasuke repeated. He wasn’t listening. “Kakashi can help us. He _did_ help us. You got better at controlling him.”

_Remember the deal, Uchiha._

Naruto’s hand moved in his. Sasuke’s hand was full of scars. From training, from stumbling; a shinobi’s hand. The first time they did this, Sasuke almost didn’t know what to do, almost didn’t know what to say. No one held his hand other than his mom before. The other one didn’t count. “You’re best in our class,” Naruto said.

Sasuke liked it for a time—being top of his class. The thrill, the pride, the adrenaline rush every time the placements got pinned on a wall. It was never about grades, not all of it. He knew what it was about. That reason was gone, and as the years went on, Sasuke had failed to care.

Sasuke just scoffed. “Sakura can have that place. I don’t care.”

“Don’t,” Naruto said, “speak of her.”

“We’ll find a way,” Sasuke said quickly, his body faced him openly. He trusted Naruto. He had to trust him. _Completely, without fail._ He wanted to trust someone so badly. “We’ll ask Kakashi to help you make a clone. We’ll graduate.”

“Yes,” Naruto said. “We will.” None of them slept until one closed their eyes, and the other would follow.

*

Naruto was dubbed as his adopted brother by the classroom. They walked to school together, they went home together. Naruto wore Uchiha clothes, and no one knew what happened to the Uchiha clan exactly. No one knew who Naruto was; no one knew Sasuke’s real brother. It was easy to assume. It was easy to pretend.

That was why, among other things, what happened today had made the rounds in the Academy.

“Have you heard? The Uchiha brothers…”

“The girls were so pissed…”

“It was really funny, though…”

“Imagine getting your first kiss from your brother…”

“No, imagine getting your first kiss from _Naruto_!”

The kid pulled out his tongue. “Ew!”

The children snickered. Iruka dispersed the crowd, and started the class. He had his eyes on Sasuke the entire time, and smiled uneasily when their gaze met. Any other time Sasuke would feel comfortable enough to smile back.

Sasuke had his head down. He concentrated on his notes, where Naruto had made doddles of cup ramen in the margin. The link from Naruto’s end was especially quiet, and for once, Sasuke was grateful. 

Tomorrow was the exam. Kakashi had refused to teach them the clone Justu. Said his job was being a guardian, and as a teacher, only restricted himself with teaching the Kyuubi chakra control. But Sasuke knew those eyes, he had seen them in Iruka. Kakashi seemed to almost hope that Naruto won’t graduate. No matter, they will find their own way.

He didn’t even say goodbye to Iruka when Sasuke dragged Naruto away as soon as the class was finished.

“Let’s go home,” Sasuke said quickly, his steps quicker. “We’ll train all night if that’s what it takes. We will graduate—”

Naruto’s voice came like a whisper, like a breeze. “I’m sorry about today.”

Sasuke didn’t look back. Their walk turned into a run. “It doesn’t matter. Forget it.”

“Someone pushed me. I didn’t mean to do anything.”

Sasuke’s steps faltered. “Someone,” he said, “pushed you?”

“It was accident,” Naruto said. Sasuke just grabbed his hand, and kept running.

“Hey, hey! We don’t need to run—"

“Forget it,” Sasuke said, his head in a spin, “forget it—"

“Look out—"

Someone stood in front of them. Sasuke halted before heading straight into the man.

“Sasuke-kun, is it?”

Naruto’s hand startled in his. He faced a white-haired Chunnin whose name was only vaguely remembered. The man smiled.

“It’s Mizuki-sensei,” the man reminded them. “I’m one of the Chunnin instructor. I’m friends with Iruka-sensei.” He approached them slowly, like one would to any wild animal. Sasuke pushed Naruto behind him.

Sasuke observed the man. There was so many weak points in him that it must be deliberate. To set them off guard.

“What do you want?”

Mizuki took a step. Sasuke stayed where he was. “I know that Naruto-kun’s transformation Justu isn’t ideal. The exam is tomorrow. I believe you two must be worried.”

“What does that have to do with _you_?”

Mizuki’s smile widened. “I thought I might be able to help you, Naruto.”

Naruto’s link started to redden. Agitate. “Go away,” Naruto said. “We don’t need your help. Or anyone’s.”

“Oh,” Mizuki said, “but I think you do. It’s not a big thing, really. You just need to take a little thing. A small, tiny thing from the Hokage Residence. You can do that, don’t you? If you just did that, I swear you will pass the exam in flying colors.”

It was frustrating to think that their problems were going to be solved like that. By a random Chunnin. By _a small, simple thing_. “Why are you helping us?”

Mizuki crouched down next to him. “I’m not helping you, Sasuke-kun,” he said. “I’m helping Naruto.”

His smile had made his eyelids curve. A little like Kakashi. A little like Iruka. “Do you want to know how?”

Maybe that was why they said yes.

*

Kakashi, as always, came for supper with a nonchalance that annoyed Sasuke. Their training— or whatever it was in Kakashi’s mind (“cute workout with my cute pre-genin”)— occurred only twice a week. Yet this man came every day for a meal. That he would pay. Always with a basket of vegetables. It annoyed Sasuke to no end.

Naruto had managed to stay loud with Kakashi. He would fight with him, argue back, and sometimes even land a punch when provoked, but nothing like the first time they met. Sasuke didn’t know what happened between them during his coma, but it was a sign of trust, Sasuke knew. There was no way that Kakashi wouldn’t.

“Anxious for the exam?” Kakashi asked, putting a broccoli in Naruto’s bowl of rice.

Naruto grinned. “Yeah!” he said. “You know what happened today—”

“We’ll manage,” Sasuke said.

Kakashi looked between them. He picked a meatball for Sasuke. “Well,” he said. “Good luck. Who knows, you two might even end up in my team.”

“You are teaching?”

“Kind of,” Kakashi said, and left it at that.

After Naruto waved Kakashi goodbye, Sasuke rushed to explain.

“We can’t tell Kakashi,” Sasuke reasoned. “We will get disqualified for sure.”

Naruto lowered his hand. He looked after Kakashi’s retreating figure and said, “You think he’s going to report it to the Hokage?”

Sasuke didn’t. “Kakashi is our guardian,” he said. “He will stop us. He will think it’s too dangerous.”

Naruto stopped cleaning the shuriken and looked up. “Is it dangerous?”

Naruto never seemed to understand the concept of danger. He never cared about his injuries, and when he did, it was because that they hurt Sasuke.

“No,” Sasuke said. “Kakashi just thinks that we are too young.”

“For what?”

Sasuke waved a careless hand. “He’s scared that we will get hurt. Or something equally stupid.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why he’s scared that we will get hurt?”

Sasuke stooped down to pick up a shuriken from the pouch. Naruto ducked his head, and resumed his cleaning. Sasuke didn’t need to answer the question; Naruto didn’t need to hear the answer. Perfect.

“We get the Scroll and run before the guy comes,” Naruto said. “We can’t trust him. He wants the Scroll for himself.”

Sasuke knew, deep down, how _abysmally_ stupid it was to steal forbidden scrolls that contained seals too dangerous that the Shodai Hokage had hidden away. What they were doing wasn’t even cheating. It was stealing. It was something bad people did. It was something _that man_ would do. Sasuke didn’t want to be him.

But how can they defeat him if they can’t even steal a Scroll? How can they kill him if Sasuke can’t even help a friend?

It was getting late, Sasuke thought. “Let’s go,” Sasuke said.

Naruto’s eyes rested on the shuriken he was holding a little too tight. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

Sasuke bit his lips. He tried not to snap. Eventually, he said, “Stop that.”

Naruto snarled. His hand pulled at his collar. “I’m just saying, Sasuke! Do you know what will happen if we get caught?”

“What, we don’t graduate? We are trying to, Naruto.”

“ _I_ won’t graduate if _I_ fail the test! But this— this is different!”

“I trust you, Naruto,” Sasuke said, his hand encircling the wrist, and he believed it. It took him two years to believe it. Every time he slept and woke up with this hand in his. This untouched, outrageously unscarred hand. “You have to trust me, too.”

“If we are found out—”

“Then we will leave,” Sasuke said. “This village means nothing to us. We will find another way.”

Naruto’s eyes were so pale, so incompatible with the night. “You’ll have to make a choice,” Naruto said. “One day. You’ll make a choice that doesn’t involve me.”

Sasuke tsked. Their hands fell from his collar, and Sasuke snapped, “It’s late. We need to go _now_.”

Naruto shrugged, took his pouch of weapons, and followed.

*

Getting the Scroll of Seals was easy. Too easy.

“They are coming after us,” Sasuke said, panting. “Not only Mizuki. The ANBU, too. The Hokage must know. They are coming after us, Naruto.”

Naruto gave a nod. He sat down, lifting dust from the ground

“What—” Sasuke pushed him. “What are you doing? Get up! We need to go home—”

“You said they were coming,” Naruto said, unrolling the Scroll with ease. “We can learn something with this. C’mon, Sasuke. You read faster than me.”

Sasuke hesitated, his gaze surveying the landscape. It was dark, and nothing moved in the woods other than the shuffling leaves. Moths gathered on Naruto’s lantern. He surveyed for a long time, before looking back to Naruto. A joy seized him. He felt the absurd need to laugh.

Naruto’s head snapped at him. He was smiling in a worried way. “What?”

“It’s just…” Sasuke said, a little breathless. “I thought you were going to tell me to go home and then take the blame entirely on your own. Stupid things like that.”

Naruto narrowed his eyes, and slowly, shook his head. “That would be giving you up,” he said, his smile still firmly on place, one of this tooth poking out down to his bottom lip. “Is it?”

“You won’t give me up,” Sasuke said simply, and sat next to him, and together they turned their thoughts back to the Scroll.

They studied it. _Kage Bushin no Justu_ , it wrote. It could be useful.

“This symbol,” Naruto said, pointing at the intricate lines of a seal. A myriad of circles and indistinguishable swirls of ink, “I have seen this somewhere.”

 _Hakke no F_ _ū_ _inshiki._ Eight Trigrams Sealing Style.

Sasuke had seen it too. But it wasn’t the seal that caught his eyes. His finger trailed after another word—

“ _The_ _Uzumaki clan_?”

“Naruto!”

They stumbled on their feet, rolled up the Scroll only to find a very angry Iruka marching toward them. “And Sasuke?” he said. “Of course Sasuke is here. Is this your idea? Or Naruto’s? Do you know what you two have done? Everyone’s looking for you two! Now, come back with me—”

“Sensei…”

Iruka crossed his arms. “No,” he said. “You two are coming with me. Right now.”

“No, sensei,” Naruto began. “There’s someone behind—"

Sasuke made a series of hand signs, and sent a fireball its way. Iruka opened his mouth, but when the fire subsided, a man came out from the red haze.

“What are you doing, Sasuke? They might have nothing to do with—"

The man was covered in sweat. He had ran, and quickly. “Now, now, Iruka,” the voice said. “They are only children; wouldn’t you go a little softer on them? Look at them, they are exhausted.”

“Mizuki,” Iruka said.

“Leave them to me, will you?” Mizuki said, his white hair golden under the light. “I will take care of them.”

“He told us to steal it,” Sasuke spoke up. “He told us that stealing the Scroll of Seals will let us graduate.”

Iruka didn’t say anything for a moment. He was looking at Naruto.

“Is this true?”

Naruto looked at Sasuke instead. He gave a single nod.

Iruka gestured at Mizuki. “You _three_ come with me to the Hokage. Immediately. Honestly, Mizuki, why did you indulge them? You might be saying this as a joke but these kids aren’t—"

_Is your instructor a moron? Why didn’t he notice the shuriken behind him?_

“Iruka-sensei!”

_No wonder why the kid is a brat. You two learn nothing._

That shuriken was _huge_.

“Iruka,” Mizuki said, shaking his head. “I _said_ , really, that you should be softer on the children. Look at how he twists in pain…” His smile grew. “Oh, that’s cool. It seems that the Uchiha kid has some kind of connection with the demon fox. Are you in pain, Sasuke-kun?”

Iruka had an arm around Naruto’s waist. Naruto’s body was heaving from the injury. The shuriken planted itself right unto his back. Iruka cried, “Don’t call him that!”

Sasuke collapsed mid-way trying to reach them. Mizuki crouched in front of him, taking the scroll with a delighted smile on his face. “Naruto!” Sasuke cried. “Take it out! Take the shuriken out!”

Mizuki laughed. “You want him to take it out? You know he’s going to bleed to death, don’t you? Is that your plan all along? You want to know the secret of the Scroll. Good strategy, Sasuke-kun. Smart, too. You would have done well with Orochimaru-sama. Too bad that you’re going to die now.”

“Do it, Naruto!” Sasuke said. He almost attempted to crawl. “Do it— ah—"

The pain eased.

Naruto stabbed the shuriken on the ground, and stood up. His wound was closing, it had stopped oozing blood. Mizuki stopped laughing as well. He stared at Naruto with a raw, undisguised disgust.

“Demon,” he spat. “The same as your clan… that hair… the sign of a monster! No wonder why you made friends with the Uchiha survivor. Cursed, all of you. Cursed!”

Naruto held the gaze. He laid his hand on the tip of the shuriken. It was a frightening gaze, but Sasuke recognized it. Not the fight with Anko, not the one with Kakashi. It was _his_ gaze, Sasuke realised. It was himself, nine again, his body shaken by something he couldn’t control, and desperately wished to.

Hatred.

_Interesting. Just how much he learns from you?_

“Hurt them again,” Naruto said, his words dragging, deliberately slow, “and I will kill you.”

Naruto’s hands formed a sign. One that Sasuke forgot partially. A double cross. _A-rank_ , it said. In class, Naruto didn’t manage to create one single—

“ _Kage Bushin no Justu_!”

*

Kakashi looked especially tired tonight. “I’ll bring Mizuki to the Hokage. Yes, I will explain everything. Yes, you two can go home. Do you need to check your injuries, Iruka?”

Iruka just laughed. “These kids took care of me just fine. Didn’t land a scratch on me. Why are you here?”

Kakashi helped Sasuke stand. Sasuke pushed him away; he had to get to Naruto. “I had a presentiment, let’s say,” stated Kakashi. “They are trouble, aren’t they?”

Iruka seemed to take in the disaster of Mizuki’s face and limbs, and the general damage of their surroundings caused by a couple hundreds of shadow clones, and nodded very, very seriously.

“But,” Iruka said, “I think these very troublesome kids deserve something, don’t they?”

Sasuke supported Naruto, their arms over their shoulders. Kakashi peered at them, and sighed. “Yeah,” he said. “Close your eyes, kids.”

“Why should we—”

“Do it, Sasuke,” Naruto said. Startled, Sasuke turned his head to see Naruto’s grin. “Or don’t you trust me?”

Sasuke huffed, and did as he asked. He flinched, however, when a hand moved to his hair.

“Trust me. They won’t hurt you,” whispered Naruto. Sasuke kept his eyes closed.

“Done,” Iruka said.

The night was quiet. Naruto’s lantern broke halfway into the fight. Sasuke blinked his eyes open; light had filtered through.

“Uzumaki Naruto, you have demonstrated incredible force and stamina in face of a Chunnin-rank enemy. Uchiha Sasuke, you have proven to be competent in keeping calm under stress. You have helped your teammate and offered your advices to enhance their own,” Iruka said, solemn in his delivery. “There’s no need to take tomorrow’s exam. You two have graduated. Congratulations.”

When Naruto smashed their foreheads together, it was with the sound of metal against metal, the clinking of headbands.

Sasuke sagged against Naruto, proud, thrilled, flushed with adrenaline, and stayed there for awhile, to listen the birds’ chant to sunrise.


End file.
